Friday, October 31, 2014

Fridays are my favorite

Especially when they coincide with Halloween.  My boss let us leave at noon today to prepare for the evening and I've been thoroughly enjoying my time.  The three hours of work I did before lunch were productive and went quick, then I stopped in to visit my husband (so I could store my pumped breastmilk in his office fridge...didn't want it to sit in the car all afternoon), drove down to babies r us and got some last minute halloween costume items for both daughters (Jane is going to be Elsa and I'm dressing Abby up as Olof...I'm pretty excited about it).  After the halloween prep was accomplished I came over to the Barnes N Noble shopping area...first I walked down to Ross to see if there were any amazing deals on shoes or electronics (there were not), then walked down to Best Buy and window shopped all sorts of fun android devices (more preparation for the Note 4 I'll be getting in what feels like a year or two).  Started contemplating getting a Galaxy Tab 7.0 someday (I have absolutely no need for it whatsoever but I guarantee I'll be thinking up all sorts of reasons why I can't live without one in a few months).  Finally came into Barnes N Noble and checked out their book bags, journals, new books and saw that they have their own version of the Galaxy Tab 7.0 with some nifty Nook widget added on.  I'd buy that.  Anything to support my favorite store.  Maybe for my birthday...And if you were wondering, yes, I know I have a problem.  There are probably support groups for my particular addiction but I am not ashamed of who I am.

So NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow.  I'm sort of prepared.  I've outlined what I want to write and when I want to write and I'm only worried about my own wimpiness.  I've written an 80,000 word manuscript and there were many days where I'd get in over 2,000 words in a day but they were never the norm.  My usual daily word count was about 500 and to complete NaNoWriMo I plan on having to hit 1,750 each day.  That's a lot.  I'm afraid I'll know right off the bat if it isn't going to happen but I don't want to let myself think of the possibility that it can't be done.  Obviously I know it can.  Thousands of people with just as busy lives as me will be doing this.

I'm going to just dive in and keep going...not allow myself to overanalyze or overthink the story/character development.  It might be a disaster or it might be exactly what I need to get back on track with this.  And I have to say, staying up the past few nights to outline and read and kill time have been extremely refreshing.  You'd think I would be exhausted in the morning but I'm in such a better mood than normal.  I really believe making that extra time just for me is something I should have been doing for a long time now.  I get two extra hours (albeit semi-drowsy hours, but conscious ones all the same) to do the things I love to do.  It hasn't been a chore at all.  Which makes me chuckle since I actually mopped the kitchen floor last night at 11 in an attempt to get a second wind.  It worked...I was up until midnight reading NaNoWriMo support forums.

Wish me luck...I might only be stopping in to record word counts over the next few weeks.  And hopefully I'll remember to post a photo of the kids in costume later.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Note 4 Preparation

My husband and I are waiting a ridiculously long time to get our new phones.  I'm so mad about it.  I blame the iPhone 6 and Apple.  He ordered it from the Verizon store, which is essentially ordering it online, so the estimated shipping date isn't until November 14th.  The Note 4 is ready to ship already, but because we're starting a new service, we're pretty sure they're shipping them together.  And the idiots in the Verizon store all seemed convinced that I'd get my phone right away regardless of whether we're starting a new service.  I've got no actual proof that they're wrong, except that it's been a week since we placed the order and I should have received it by now, and because of the fact that the order status ambiguously reports that our order has been received and will ship on November 14.  First off, there are two phones so I wish it'd specify that in the details, if there were details, which there aren't.  I just want my new phone.  I've been stalking it online for months now.  I'm so sad I have to wait another two weeks because of Apple.  Damn you Apple.

So I got a case for it:

Couldn't do without the wallet feature...and this one was the most similar to the incipo ones I always get for my iPhones.  Unfortunately, this one only has room for two cards, but I'll have to get used to it. 

And I got a new running/fanny pack:

I'm hoping the phone fits in it.  It's a really big phone.

So one of these days I'll actually get to use the damn phone.  I just saw a commercial for it...advertising the camera.  I'm such a dork.  I can't help it.

Time for the baby to nurse/go to bed.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

One of those nights

Not a bad one...a great one.  One of those nights where I accomplish some of the more unreachable goals I have a habit of setting for myself while also not feeling miserable in the process.  I ran for 4.5 miles, and even though my legs felt rebellious most of the run, I made it through and finished feeling great.  Watched an episode of Modern Family with my husband, then showered and now here I am, back on the couch with a cup of peppermint tea, wearing slippers and a sweater, fully prepared to come up with some good conflict in my book while my family sleeps.  Why the hell did it take me this long to start staying up later than everyone else?

Last night I was able to keep my eyes open until just before midnight.  I used that time to get roughly 13 chapters outlined (you know, two sentences per 'chapter' representing over 2,000 words each, so I'm expecting some deviation when I actually go to write the thing).  I then finished reading The Goldfinch.  I had a mini mental celebration afterward, then drifted off to sleep without even a hint of insomniacal (I'm sad that's not a real word) thought.

Chocolate chips cookies and peppermint tea go surprisingly well together.  Like a mild peppermint patty flavor.

Alright, I'm already tired...time to get something accomplished with the book idea.

Then on to reading Unbroken.  I don't think this staying up late thing is going to be difficult to turn into a habit.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Almost November

I drank some coffee tonight...I want to see how late I can stay up working on an outline for the book.  Steve goes to bed around 10, so I will stay out on the couch with my tablet/keyboard and plot out a plan for the project I want to do for NaNoWriMo.  I'm excited but also nervous.  I have to write over 1600 words per day to accomplish the month.  Really, it's okay.  I get to write every day..I'm doing this for myself as an investment toward my future writing self.  It's something I have to do.

I should probably get some melatonin so I don't end up with another bat of insomnia like I did the other night.  It's not something I normally have an issue with but since it's all a mind thing, I'm afraid that now that it happened (a full night of no sleep) it's definitely at a higher risk of happening again.  Especially considering I'm changing things up.

Ughh, even with the coffee, I feel like I'm ready for bed.  Too bad.  I'm gonna suck it up and stay up until at least 11.  And by then, I'll probably be wired and won't have any trouble staying up until midnight.  Then hopefully I won't have a problem falling asleep, ha.  I need to go for a run tomorrow night.  I should have done some form of exercise yesterday but I had to get up early for my daughter this morning (she had that ct scan...I'm still not too worried...she hasn't been doing it as much since Steve got home).  I also had that second opinion dentist appointment yesterday which was excellent.  I had a deep cleaning, which was a pretty spot on example of my own personal hell, but I survived and they only suggested I get 4 fillings...which was awesome considering the other dentist suggested two crowns and 9 fillings.  I'll save thousands of dollars going to this dentist.  Hopefully my teeth don't fall apart, or out, but I'm much happier with this dentist.  And I hate the dentist.

Wooohoo, Steve is going to bed now...I'll get an early start on this project.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Rough 24 Hours

I went to bed last night at 9:30 so I could get a good amount of sleep before waking up at 4 AM for work.  Unfortunately, I never slept.  It started as that annoying mind-racing issue, then continued to spin out of control to the point where I was laying on the couch at 2 AM reading, hoping to tire myself out for an hour or two of sleep.  I gave up at 3 AM and drove to the zoo since I heard some people might actually be getting there at 4.  I figured if they didn't get there until 5, I'd just resume my pathetic attempt for extra sleep in the car in the parking lot.  They got there at 4, so I was able to help out and worked until our event ended at 11.  After lunch, I was able to finally get a couple hours of sleep, only to be terrifyingly jolted awake by the fire alarm in our house going off.  Husband baked pizza in the oven and claimed that it melted and burned.  If you ask me, the universe just doesn't want me to sleep.

Time to go backup my iPhone and save my photos so I can switch to the Note.  Exciting stuff!  Bed early tonight due to last night's fiasco, then I'll try staying up a little later tomorrow night to prepare for my upcoming writing schedule.

I ran last night outside with the dog for a quick 5K.  He was exhausted at the end...needed the exercise for sure!

Saturday, October 25, 2014


I've written every day for a month and a half and I just randomly forget to write a post yesterday.  Steve got home, that'll be my excuse, but it's not a good one considering he fell asleep on the couch at 8:30 and I watched TV and went to bed an hour later.  There was no reason for me to neglect this other than just complete mindlessness.  Damn it.

I'm in Barnes n Noble for the first time in over a month writing in my journal, which is what made my mind make the connection that I forgot to write a post.

Have I mentioned my plan of staying up from 10-midnight to start writing?  It's going to be rough for a little while, it'll take some getting used to...I was tired enough for bed last night at 8, but I'm prepared to work at it and I hope my body just adjusts to it and it becomes an easy habit.  I just can't think of any other time to fit it in, and I'm sitting here watching people read and write and work on homework and there's no place I'd rather be.  And I want to do this forever.  So it'd be nice if I could eventually do this for a living.  It's extremely unlikely, I know, but I don't care.  It's what I want.

So...NANOWRIMO is less than a week away and I've never done it before, but it seems like a good time to dive in and try it out.  Here's the thing...with both my desire to start a new project and my need to make a habit of writing every evening and wanting to make the 10-12 thing a habit, it just seems like the perfect time to try accomplishing the 50,000 words in 30 days.  What's stopping me?  If I sleep until 6 or 6:30 it's a smaller amount of sleep than they recommend, but I really don't have any other time of day to do this.  And it'll be my corner of the day...something I do for I don't foresee it being detrimental to my health or anything.

Maybe I should go look into NanoWriMo strategies...and sign up on their page.  Gotta say, I'm pretty psyched.

Coffee after dinner...that's how I plan to make this the beginning at least.  And I have my trusty awesome 8 inch tablet (Asus VivoTab) with the great Zagg keyboard and OneNote program to jot down ideas on my soon to come Samsung Note 4...I sound like a commercial, I know, and it's a little disgusting, but I love gadgets.  In a serious way.  They have always been something I've loved so I'm pretty thrilled with the fact that so many of them exist now and they're so popular in general.  I was the type who wanted a calculator watch, because who wouldn't want the ability to easily multiply 124 by 7 on your wrist whenever you need to?  I wasn't even the nerdy math type, I just liked the thought of how convenient that would be.  Of course, I had one and barely used it.  Then I begged my dad for a cell phone back when they first came out.  Begged him.  Because how awesome would it be to be able to call my friends wherever I was?  I was only 12 or 13 and had maybe one or two friends, but that didn't stop me from wanting one so bad.  Imagine my delight when the iPhone came out...and then the iPad...they created more competition too, so everyone is stepping up their game, hence the fact that I'm switching to Windows tablets and the Note 4 Android phone.  And I'm an adult now with the same giddy craving for gadgets and the money to buy them with (irresponsible purchases, yea, but I don't get pedicures or highlights in my hair, or massages, so there's that).

Time to go over to the NanoWriMo page.  Wish me luck.

I also need to run has been 6 days since the last time I've exercised...almost a record for laziness.

Thursday, October 23, 2014


I took my 9 month old for her checkup this morning and told the PA that she has been tilting her head to the side for a few weeks and during the checkup she said she was fine, perfect baby, no worries.  Then about three hours later I got a call that she wants her to have a CT Scan.  She wants to make sure there's nothing major causing the head tilt.  She isn't worried but now I am.  It's probably nothing but how can I not worry now?  It's extremely obvious and a constant thing, she tilts to her left whenever she's sitting upright.  So my lovely, adorable and extremely mild tempered baby girl will have to go through this weird it the one where they put her through the brain scan thing?  And it's not the first time she's had to have a test to see if she has a rare issue.  When they did her newborn screening she was flagged for CF and had to have a sweat test.  One of those moments where I cried for hours worrying she'd have a diagnosis that could give her a shortened life expectancy.  Ruling out these possible scenarios like a brain mass or a disorder that can affect her quality of life is wearing on me.  My beautiful little girl, she's fine, I know, and this will probably turn out to be nothing but I hate being this close to wondering if something terrible could happen.

So my husband gets back tomorrow.  Finally!  It's been tough, being a single parent of two kids...props to the parents that have this lifestyle on a regular basis.  Strongest people ever.

And I'm exhausted.  It's bedtime.  Big work event coming up.  So tired.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Two Days

My husband will be home Friday afternoon!  The 4 weeks is almost up, finally!  And our 4 year old wants to make cookies for him so I have to remember to help her with that tomorrow night after school.  I'll be leaving work early on Friday to get him, then we're going to look at possibly switching our cell phone service to Verizon (since it's a rare opportunity where we're both available and our kids are at daycare), then going to pick up the girls.  I have a work event on Sunday, so the weekend will be short, but it's extremely early on Sunday and I hope to be home by lunch time, so I don't feel like the weekend is a total loss.

I haven't made a decision yet about the writing but I'm leaning towards starting a new project so I can work on character building, etc.  And I've been slacking on the running/exercise.  I should have worked out last night, but didn't, and then don't plan to tonight, so I need to run on the treadmill tomorrow night...maybe after the cookie making?  Why aren't there more hours in a day?

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What to do...

Part of me wants to start a new book from scratch, write something totally different from what I typically do, go as fast as I can without dwelling or overthinking any of it.  Another part of me wants to go back to the book I finished, wrap up the last rewrites of the first two chapters and edit the entire manuscript a third time, and the last part of me wants to continue on the project I started several months ago--a project I really enjoyed working on and I see a lot of potential in.  There are pros and cons to each option...I'll add them here:

Starting something new
Starting fresh is really enticing
Could very likely just end up added to the ever growing list of unfinished projects
I really want to dive into character building and starting fresh could help me learn and practice
I feel like I’ve tried this a million times
Of the three choices, I like this one the best (is that a pro? I guess?)
I’m so busy with life and jewelry and work, especially with the holidays coming up—since this con will go on all three lists, I probably shouldn’t even list it here

Finishing EP Manuscript
Could get ready to send out to agents again
Am I wasting my time on something I’ll never feel satisfied with?
I could finally get it right
It always depresses me with writing, makes me feel like I should just give up this dream so working on it might be toxic
Could get published

Finishing Newer Project
I really enjoy the plot and world and idea
Keep hitting walls with the plot and wondering if the whole thing is going to work
I’ve already got it all outlined (for the most part)
Discouragement from ^^ makes me want to stop working on it
I’ve been working on the idea for a while

Ugh...just trying to come up with the pros and cons list sucked all the energy out of me.  Since I'm now exhausted, I think I'll take advantage of it and go to sleep since I've been having trouble falling asleep the past few nights.  And since my dog ate my dinner already tonight, I don't have to feed him his.  Great, there's a silver lining in everything.  Sadly, the above pros and cons lists didn't help me determine which I'm going to choose.  I'll revisit the issue another time.  Good night..

Monday, October 20, 2014


I have been reading the same book for at least the past two months...maybe three.  I'm a little embarrassed about it, actually.  It's The Goldfinch.  It's really great, but it's one of those books that has the kind of writing that makes you visualize minute details with just a few well chosen words, puts your mind so it's like you've experienced the moment personally or like you're seeing it happen in front of you.  And when I read books like this, I read slowly.  It's harder for me to skim quickly through a sentence when I'm trying to play the scene in my mind.  And even though I love the book, I kind of can't wait to be finished with it.

Sometimes a long book like this makes me want to read and read forever (like Harry Potter) and other times the story mixes depressive details in and this one happens to really lack anything uplifting.  Since I've been reading this I've also listened to several audiobooks on Audible.  It's easier for me to get through a book when I'm listening to it because I have so many more opportunities to make progress in it (on walks, driving, making jewelry).  I listened to that Cathy Yardley "Write Every Day" book...and the book from the TV Show Castle (Heat Wave...a ridiculously cheesy but entertaining read) and I am pretty sure I even made it through Stephen King's "Mr. Mercedes" in the amount of time since I started reading The Goldfinch.  Then I tried starting another literary one a week or two ago (Cutting for Stone, which I've heard great things about and will some point) and decided I needed something else.  So I downloaded one of the more recent Nora Roberts books with this month's credit (The Collector).  I just needed something fun and lighthearted...something I would want to keep turning on while I'm driving or cleaning and make me enjoy those times rather than just helping pass the time.  I'm going to read "Unbroken" when I'm done with The Goldfinch...I have a borrowed copy that's due back by the holidays and I scoffed at the idea that I'd need that long but now I'm starting to wonder if I will have it done in time.  Ridiculous.

So I will go start my nightly routine of getting the baby ready for bed and reading The Goldfinch while I nurse her to sleep.  Wonder if there's any great twist at the end?  I'm at 90% (about) so I feel like I'd see it coming by now.  It better have a decent ending.

Good night..

Sunday, October 19, 2014

So Sad it's Sunday Night

I hate this time of week more than any other (most weeks).  Tonight is no exception.  It was such a terrific two days.  A few hours ago I completed my fastest run ever.  Sub 10-minute mile 3 miles in a row.  Finished in 29:49.  I had the treadmill set at 6.2 mph for the first 2.5 miles, then turned it up to 6.3 to finish the last half.  I think the first minute or so really screwed up the finish time because I have to slowly work up to full speed or the thing starts slipping.

My husband and I spent about an hour today figuring out what we want to do about our cell phone situation...we think we're switching to Verizon, which makes no difference to me.  We've been on AT&T for forever.  Since back with they were the only ones that carried the iPhone.  God I'm old.  I think one of the things that makes me feel even older is that I feel like 10 years isn't that long (I was remembering something from when I was 21 and my first reaction to that thought was that it wasn't really that long ago).

Okay, I'm too tired tonight to write anymore.  I wrote today...two days in a row!  Working on a new new first chapter (third attempt at rewriting the beginning...adding a little meet-cute...hoping this one sticks).

Good night.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Best Day Ever

I went to the gym again today...shockingly...and it'll probably be the last time.  They felt so bad for screwing me over like they did that they offered me another 2 weeks of free trial gym visits.  I had to explain the whole situation to the manager on duty today because she didn't read her email from the other manager that offered me the additional two weeks and I just don't want to deal with having to rehash the whole thing every time I go to the gym...while I stand there with my kids at the front desk, people signing in behind me like I'm a charity case.  So that's enough of that.  I had a good time while I was there a good workout.  Then we came home and I had renewed motivation to work on the book I wrote a couple of years ago (really?  it has been a couple of years already??).  I have a new plan with it and just need to get started.  Kids took a nap while I worked on jewelry (finally).  When they woke up I played pleasantly with my 4 year old in the yard while the baby watched us and giggled from her car seat.  Then we walked to the grocery store where I bought cheese curls, a frozen pizza and ice cream.  On the walk home my older asked if we could watch Frozen while we ate our snacks.  I thought that was a great idea so I put it on while we ate cheese curls and the baby played in her jumper.  Then it was time for pizza so I dragged out the princess toddler table and put it in front of the television, we watched while we ate dinner.  Then I made a deal that we wouldn't have ice cream until the big snowmonster started chasing Ana and Cristof (sp?) out of the ice palace.  As soon as Elsa created that guy my girl said ''can we have ice cream now?" we did.  Afterward we finished out the movie with both girls on my lap.  It was perfect.  The whole day.

And now I'm watching a movie I rented called 'Like Crazy''s not bad so far...the female protagonist is an aspiring writer, so you know, I like it.

Plus I have a huge appreciation for this keyboard/tablet combo I've got going on now.  It truly makes my tablet feel like a laptop and still allows for the convenience to disconnect the two in less than a second.  I've been using it almost nonstop.  So I'm feeling extremely satisfied with life at the moment...and my husband gets back in less than a week.

I love adding wonderful days like today to my memories.

This photo was from the walk we took last night..

Update from an hour later...

That movie was one of the horrible dreaded ones with no ending.  I HATE when a movie ends without closure.  HATE it.  It's lazy and unoriginal and extremely annoying.  

It was still an amazing day,  I'm the luckiest mother in the world and I can't wait for more days like today with my girls.  But that movie was stupid.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Mercury is in Retrograde

Yes, I sound crazy, but hear me out.  A friend of mine at work said this to me a couple of weeks ago and it has been in the back of my mind ever since.  Especially with all of the annoying little things that have been making me crazy since my husband left for his four-week training.  My whole family came down with a terrible bug that kept us out of work/school for about 4 days...I signed up for a gym plan that backfired and I thought was resolved but wasn't (they called me today and we had a battle about the refund, which I won, but only after an hours worth of stressful negotiation)...the keyboard situation...and a thousand smaller things that deserve more than just this short call out but I don't have all day and my recall is worse because I've been actively trying to forget the little things these past few weeks.

At least ^^this happened and was pretty darn adorable.

I'm impressed with the way Google put a bunch of my photos together without me doing anything but take a bunch of photos in a row.  

So I can't wait until October 25th...because Mercury isn't going to be in retrograde after that.  Maybe I'll be able to salvage some sanity until then.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Gilmore Girls

So I worked on jewelry...sort of...I should have done more, but I didn't neglect it, so I don't feel bad about it.  I edited the fingerprints I received, which was daunting, and was probably the thing that kept me from getting started.  So that's where I stalled, but it's ready to print and turn into 3D stamps, which will then get pressed into metal clay, which will then get fired in the kiln, then polished and attached to the chain or what-have-you.

I'm watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix while I write this....I'm so glad this show is available now, finally.  I never watched more than a dozen episodes when it was on the WB a decade ago and I'm not willing to pay for seasons on DVDs or iTunes when I already pay for services like Hulu and Netflix, so I just kept wanting to watch this series but accepting the fact that I wasn't able to.

I'm finding some holes already, which I like, because I always wonder how long series keep their stories straight.  For instance, why does Rory have the same last name as her mother?  Isn't it typical that even if the mother and father are unwed, the child gets the father's last name?  Maybe I'm just ignorant.  And just now, Lorelai said she had Rory during a snowstorm, but they already had Rory's birthday and it was early fall...I find it hard to believe there was a freak snowstorm that time of year, even in Connecticut, but I guess it's possible.  So maybe they're not holes.  Great show though.

It's fun watching shows that were made before DVR...when a break for commercial is coming they actually come up with mini-finales that don't transition smoothly to the next scene, but wrap up whatever scene was happening before the commercial.  I love it.

!!! She just got a PAGE on her PAGER!  What year did this come out?  She mentioned streaming video on the internet, was there really a time when those two things overlapped?

I'll stop, I'm up late...I'll just finish this episode :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Such a slacker

This week has got to be a record for procrastination on my part.  I'm not exactly slacking off--I'm busy from the moment I wake up in the morning...around 6:30 depending on my this moment in the evening.  So that's 14 hours straight of doing stuff.  I have moments here and moments there where I'm able to chat with a coworker about things that don't involve work, and I have moments throughout the day where I'm multitasking and part of my tasks are for fun (like reading while I breastfeed or listening to a podcast while I vacuum), but I'm pretty freakin busy.  Even on the weekends.  The procrastination comes into play when my kids are asleep at bedtime or naptime.  I should be making jewelry, but I just don't have it in me.  I will, I've been getting bits and pieces done so I won't be miserably rushing to get it out after this weekend, but when I decided I wasn't going to finish it this past weekend I made a deal with my future self (the me sitting here writing) that I'd work in the evenings on getting it done so I wouldn't have to do it this upcoming weekend.  Obviously, that hasn't happened.  Maybe I can get myself to work on it tomorrow night.  Yea...that's what I'll do.  Tonight I got both kids bathed, vacuumed the floors and gave myself the rest of the night off.  And it's too late to mentally motivate myself to get back there and work on it now.  Tomorrow.  I'll work on it tomorrow night.  There, it's out there in the world and if I don't do it tomorrow, I'll have to write down that I didn't do it and I'll feel bad.  It's why I make myself lists half the time, not because I'll forget to do something but because I'll be motivating myself to do it by having to look at it when I'm crossing other things off and I'll end up feeling unaccomplished if there's anything left.  Kind of like the way looking at yourself in the mirror makes you feel guilty when you're doing something you shouldn't be doing.

I'm so tired, I could go to sleep...and it's only 8:30.  I'm going to read...I've been reading the same book for a ridiculously long time...months.  It's good, but so long.  And I'm a terribly slow reader so it's a bad combination.  I should go read in bed because I know I'll wake up at 4 am on the couch if I try reading out here.  Tomorrow is Thursday, which is only a day before Friday, which is my favorite day of the week.  And this is the last weekend I have to spend without my husband...he'll be home next Friday.  Finally.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Another Keyboard

I returned the keyboard and have another (same one).

Gotta say, my worry over this whole Ebola situation is starting to spin out of control.  I'm mostly convinced that we're all going to die from it in about a month.  Flu season is right around the many people are going to have the flu that think they have Ebola or vice versa?  I just can't stop thinking of worst-case scenarios.  It's pretty scary, I don't care how overblown you think the whole thing is.

I'm so tired...I slept horribly after the keyboard situation.  I was right in the middle of doing yoga (this special one I found on YouTube for stress relief, which has to be ironic, right?).  Then I gave up and never got any relief for this crazy lower back/sciatica pain I was having.  I ran on the treadmill for 5.8 miles, which I think aggravated the pains.  I feel better today but I slept horribly.

So I'm going to stop dog is barking at nothing but he's probably pissing off the neighbors, so I should go deal with that.

Good night.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Come on!

My kiddo broke my keyboard.  Knocked it right off the place it was charging.  Son of a bitch.  That shit cost $95 (after taxes).  God damn it.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Retail Therapy

I went over the deep end after my disappointing morning and weekend.  I had some jewelry I needed to work on but ended up feeling sorry for myself to the point of lying on the couch during my daughters' nap and then permitting myself to two of my vices...procrastinating and shopping.  When the girls woke up we headed out to Best Buy in Arrowhead where I purchased a Zagg universal keyboard for my Asus VivoTab Note 8.  I really like it.  It makes my tiny tablet into a tiny laptop.  So even though I feel lazy and gluttonous and irresponsible for the things I didn't do today, I feel better than I did this morning.  I think if I had done everything I should have done today (jewelry, folding clothes, staying home) I think I'd feel pretty crappy right now.  Instead I feel like I reset my attitude.  Definitely not the healthiest coping skill, but I'm going to bed now and I'm not feeling like I regret the way I spent my day...and that's not bad, is it?

Lifetime Fitness (isn't worth it)

I'm glad I neglected writing yesterday.  Today's post would have been extra depressing if I made the effort yesterday to write about my excitement of getting a new gym membership.  I just finished my email cancelling my new gym membership.

So that's how my weekend went.  I had a big sale in the jewelry shop and thought it might be nice to start going back to the gym and using my jewelry sales to pay for it.  But that's not going to happen.  I ended up trying to get into yoga but there wasn't enough room.  So I got up and left again (after having some girl's knees in my face since apparently no one wants to scooch over to help a girl out).  Cried in the hallway, ha...then sat fuming for a little while before doing a measly 15 minutes on the stairmaster machine thing.  So I'm really really ready to have my husband home again so I could vent to another adult about how pissed off I am.  I just keep wanting to cry as I sit here and feel sorry for myself.  I cleaned my house yesterday, vacuumed, and now it's a cluttered mess again thanks to my 4 year old (typical, yea, but I'm in no mood to deal with cleaning up after her or relentlessly begging her to clean up after herself).  The weekend is almost over already and I feel more stressed and overwhelmed than I did on Friday.  I would totally take a day off of work and take my kids to daycare but I don't have any vacation time left because we were all sick a couple of weeks ago.  There's just a long list of things running through my head that I want to cry over.  And I'm in no mood for tough love or reminding myself that I control how I feel right now, and blah blah blah.  I just want to be sad.  

I wonder if I have the ingredients to make no bake peanut butter cookies.  Probably not.

Whatever to everything right now.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Nothing for tonight..

But isn't my daughter adorable?

I do have a lot to say, but I neglected writing it down and now I'm struggling to stay awake, so it's gonna wait until tomorrow.

Good night :)

Friday, October 10, 2014

Such a long week...

Today felt productive, I was able to get a lot of work done that I've been working on in pieces over the past few weeks, so it felt nice to see the end of some projects.  Plus it's a Friday and this is always my favorite time of week...the evening kicking off two days of slightly less responsibility (if you count having to chase around two kids for 8 more hours per day as having 'less responsibility').  I'm still sans husband so I'm going to buy myself a bottle of wine for the weekend and possibly rent a movie on Apple TV.

Last night I took my girls in the jogging stroller for a short/easy run.  I ended up doing 2 miles then struggling to find a place to stop so I could let my 4 year old out to run sprints with me but I didn't get outside with them until it was already almost dark (I'm annoyed at how early the sun goes down now that it's finally nice weather here in Arizona).  We broke the rules and ran around in the park near our house, even though the signs clearly say it's closed after sunset.  We had fun and she burned some of her always well stocked energy.  And no one arrested us.

I searched for scorpions like a fixated treasure makes me want to take the kids out of the house as much as possible, which I find funny because I told my husband we'd probably never go anywhere (it's exhausting getting them in and out of car seats).


was right outside our sliding glass door...see how his gross tail is all limp?  It was my first clue that he was already dead (not to be sexist, but I feel like all scorpions should be 'he's).  I got something to use as a weapon just in case and confirmed the fact that this one was already a goner.  It renewed my faith in having pest control come and spray along the outside.  

I'll be searching again tonight, no doubt.  Getting less sleep than I'd like for a reason I'd really rather not have to deal with.

At least I'm not losing sleep over Ebola...yet...

Happy Friday!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

More on Scorpions

Just found this while researching how to get rid of scorpions:

Read the top portion...I know, it's hard to look at this picture because of that terrifying creature, but these crazy people are calling it a 'wonderful creature'.  I'm almost tempted to research why they're good for the environment, but since the same article tells me to seek medical attention if anyone under 9 years of age is stung, I'm going to just go on my merry way and kill every last one of these things I ever see.  Wonderful creatures...ridiculous.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Still shuddering.

My shoulders convulsively shoot up to my ears every time I replay this in my mind...about an hour ago my dog yelped and jumped up off the place he was laying on the floor in our living room (the spot on the floor that's about 3 feet from where my baby plays on the floor).  His reaction to whatever had happened made me immediately jump to the correct conclusion...he was a scorpion.  Those evil horrible things that are possibly worse than bees because of their more venomous reputations (but luckily not as horrible in that they can't fly).  And there it was, blending in oh so cleverly with our ugly carpet.  The mother f'ing Arizona Bark Scorpion.  Doesn't even deserve the proper noun capital letters.  Come to think of it, it's probably not supposed to have the capitals...whatever.

My poor, brave, awesome lab/husky mix took one for the team.  If he hadn't been stung, I never would have seen that evil spawn of the devil crawling along like an invisible terrorist.  In my blind fear I decided I would be able to kill it using the remote control in my hand (it was one of those fancy new DirecTV ones that looks like a space pod or something broken off the side of a Star Trek toy ship).  The rounded curves only pissed off the scorpion and it started running back and forth trying to attack. Evil bastard.  So then I realized my rubber-soled slippers were right there next to me (not on my feet!! and also...why didn't I choose them as a weapon first??).  I smeared that son of a bitch all over our carpet.  But I haven't rested, not at all.  I've had the blacklight within arms reach ever since.  I might never walk around this house without it again.  Checked both girls' rooms, clear from as much as I could inspect (my older daughter has a habit of extreme messiness).  Checked every other square foot of the house just short of rifling through toy boxes and I didn't see another one, thankfully.  And I'm finally coming down from my adrenaline/fear high.  Please, please, please don't let my daughters ever get stung by one of those sinister creatures.

And my poor 9 month old was just getting ready to crawl...sorry kiddo, pack n' play and highchair for the rest of your babyhood.

I hate bees, snakes, wasps, fire ants and currently worst of all...scorpions.  SHUDDER.

Oh...and my hero dog seems to be doing alright..  He weighs 81 pounds so I'm not too worried about him. Other than some apparent mild discomfort, he is acting totally normal.  Poor you Ike.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


Well, I'm not writing tonight.  Probably mostly because of last night, but I'm going to say it's because today was jam-packed up until 9 pm.  Including the episode of Castle I didn't have the energy to watch last night, it was jam-packed until 9:40.  I got up at 6:30, did my hair (it's naturally curly but I straighten it when I'm feeling like I need to have a boost in confidence, and after last night's writing disaster, it felt like a good time for it).  Then got my daughters ready for daycare and dropped them off, went to work and had an uneventful busy day at the office, picked up my girls and got home at 5:35.  Started preparations for dinner, got my older daughter set up with some markers and paper and TV while I got my younger one in her pack n' play and changed into running clothes.  Got on the treadmill at around 5:50 and ran for ONE HOUR.  I got off around the 30 minute mark to move my baby from the pack n' play, where she was crying, to the high chair with a snack where she could see the TV her sister was watching (did I mention I've recently resigned from the running for mom of the year?).  Got the oven preheated and jumped back on the treadmill.  Went for about 10 minutes and got back off to get the chicken in the oven and then back on the treadmill for the final 20ish minutes bringing me to 1 full hour and 5.3 miles.

So I can see why runners give long winded recaps of their races...I looked forward to writing about my run all night.  I'm proud of myself for going so long but also for my exceptional multi-tasking skills.  After the run and dinner I gave my younger daughter a bath and got her to bed.  Then told the older one to go to bed (she's been doing really well with bedtime lately, knock on wood) and took a shower, then did the dishes, took out the recycling, did some work that I didn't have a chance to finish at the office earlier and finally sat down with a beer and my episode of Castle.  And here I am.  So fuck you writing...I'm not doing you tonight.  (That's really the second beer talking).

Did I mention yet that I lifted yesterday so it hurts when I stand up or sit down?  Like, a lot? To the point where I'm waiting to pee until I can't stand it, then I cringe when I sit on the toilet?  And I had this muscle soreness before my hour long run tonight.  I figure I'll survive.  I drank a lot of'll go away soon enough.

So now that it's 10:15 and well past my bedtime, I'm going to close up and call it a night.

Maybe tomorrow night I'll figure out if I still want to be a writer?

Monday, October 6, 2014


I'm pretty sure I suck at writing.  I tracked my time today and was able to clearly see that I'd have at least two hours free in the evening and that there would be no good excuse not to write.  So I did.  I just spent about 30 minutes writing.  15 of it was rereading and attempting to sharpen up some of the manuscript I wrote last year...which made me a little miserable, and the other 15 (maybe 5...whatever) were spent moving on to some other, any other, project.  And I gave up on that just as quick, if not quicker.  And it drained every last bit of energy I had.  I could go to sleep right now.  I think I might.

Screw it.  I will.  I'm going to bed.

Oh funny, just got a message on my jewelry shop.  I'll respond, then I'm going to bed.


Sunday, October 5, 2014


There's one thing about me that I hope will never change.  I want to be a writer.  I want to get paid enough to justify writing as a full time job.  It's a dream a lot of people have, probably just as many people as aspiring actors or musicians or artists, but each of those people have their own version of their dream.  And in my version, I'm successful and taken seriously as a professional writer.

So a lot of what I do and think about (and far as gadgets go, anyway) ties into my desire to be a writer.  Take today for instance.  I spent over an hour finishing up the audiobook "Write Every Day" while I fed my baby some carrots and mango at the park as my older daughter played on her make-believe pirate ship and threw Elsa overboard every few minutes.  Afterward we all got in the car and went shopping for shoes for me (nothing to do with writing, but it was an exhausting I couldn't leave it out of today's details).  I finished the audiobook then decided to create a chart in OneNote so I could start keeping track of what I do with my time everyday (a suggestion from the book).

So that's a small snapshot of the weeklong schedule I've broken down into 15 minute increments.  Doing this is suggested so I can start managing my time better.  I might sound like I'm mocking this idea, but I'm really not.  I have a feeling it'll help me to see exactly where my time has gone.  I always feel so busy, but am I really?  And it'll hopefully help me find time that I can start dedicating to writing.  

That chart took me almost a full hour to make.  The table function in OneNote sucks so I created what I wanted in Excel (had to start from scratch once, the original was broken down into 10 minute increments but it was too long to fit in the OneNote document...according to OneNote).  OneNote lets you insert a table/chart/spreadsheet from Excel, so viola.  I hope I keep up with it.  If nothing else, it'll be helpful as a scheduler.  

I had planned to write tonight...get back into my finished manuscript and continue editing it again...but now it's so late and I spent all this time writing in this blog and making that damn scheduler.  I am falling asleep on the couch so I need to just give up for the day. 

And the weekend is over :(

Latest post-it...the others are still there, I just missed this one last week:

Am I judging myself?  I hope not.  

Maybe I am?

Either way, I'm going to bed now.  See you tomorrow in the 9:45 or 10 pm block.  

Saturday, October 4, 2014


This is such a rare feeling for me, not because my life is so interesting, but because I almost never have a moment where there's nothing I need or want to be doing.  I literally just sat here on the couch for several minutes staring at the carpet and thinking "what should I do? I'm so bored".  But I love the feeling, so maybe it doesn't really count as boredom.  My day so far (which has been delightful) has consisted of getting up around 6:30 (my older daughter was today's wake up call), nursing my younger daughter, making a spinach/banana/mixed berry/greek yogurt smoothie, getting into workout clothes, running with my girls in the stroller to the post office, running back but taking a slightly longer detour, then showering and bathing the 4 year old and heading out for groceries.  They've both had lunch and are now nearing the end of their naps.  Any second now I should hear one of them.  I tried taking a nap, and I think I may have fallen asleep at some point, then I got up and sat on the couch...looked through facebook on my phone for about 30 minutes and here I am.  And I'm pretty damn bored.

The rest of the day:  Get the girls in my husband's truck, since I haven't driven it since he left a week and a half ago, I need to make sure it still works.  Drive to Ross?  Look for shoes there?  Maybe some kid/baby clothes?  Get home and get them back in the jogging stroller for a leisurely walk to Albertson's, Red China Cafe and the ice cream store, not at all in that order.  I have to remember to feed my 4 year old dinner first because the ice cream stop is for her.  The Albertson's stop is for me (beer, a movie and maybe a jar of nutella).  And chinese for dinner for me.  Even though I'm walking there and I ran about 3.5 miles this morning (SLOWLY...and this is really one of those times where I should just say I "jogged" because a lot of the time I was stopping to shift the damn stroller so I could turn on the sidewalks at intersections...why can't they just put the ramps straight??), I know I'm still splurging a little too excessively.  Whatever.

Goodness, it's almost 4 pm and they're still both napping.  The 4 year old fell asleep at around 1:30 so I should just go wake her up.  But it's so darn nice having such a quiet house.  And they'll both be up a little later due to our outing for ice cream (and beer and chinese food...can you tell I'm excited?).

I guess I don't have anything more to write about...I should probably go find something else to do now...

...not sure what.

Friday, October 3, 2014

It's Fall

I really love this time of year, mostly because of the weather, but also because of all the new seasons  of television.  That's kind of depressing, but I love stories and characters and fiction and drama (and books and writing and plot and conflict and on and on).  So I love lots of shows.  I've watched many full series of shows.  Whatever.  So tonight I caught up on Bones and Grey's Anatomy...cried through both, annoying.  And I have no one to talk to about either show.  So here I am, writing about my guilty pleasures and leaving evidence of them available to anyone.

They were good shows.  Both are bringing on new characters to replace old ones and both are spending unusual amounts of time focusing on said new characters, but I'm not unhappy with either situation.  Both characters that are gone from the shows were among my favorites, but the ones being introduced are fresh and fun and interesting, so I'm tolerating the changes with unexpected enthusiasm.  Anyway, I'm glad to have an outlet to share these opinions on a lonely Friday evening.

Might run to the post office tomorrow.  I still can't get past my hypochondriac paranoia that the hand me down to hand me down to me stroller with some gross looking (black in color) mold dried on the seats was a possible culprit of the illness that swept through my house this week.  But that's honestly crazy.  The thing has been washed and sanitized over 2 times and nothing is growing or spreading or looking anything other than harmless dirt, so it's paranoia, I'm 99.999999% sure.  So I need to just suck it up and put my daughters in the stroller for the 45 minute round trip run to the post office tomorrow morning and enjoy the beautiful cooler Arizona weather.  I'm not a crazy person.  I don't think.

It's time for bed.  10:30.  On Friday night.  But this is how I "sleep in"...because if I go to be now, waking up at 6:30 (if I'm lucky) will feel like I've overslept.

Good night!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

What a Great Day.

Today was one of those days that makes me feel totally at ease with the world by the time I'm ready for bed.  I feel no guilt for how I spent my time.  The girls both woke up with cool foreheads, I was finally able to take them both to daycare, and I was finally able to go the office for work.  Spent a full day getting a lot accomplished and catching up on things I'd been putting off (I'm really thriving under the new management style).  Got to daycare a few minutes early, which gave me a chance to go to the base exchange for some cough medicine for all three of us (this illness has had several phases, and mine is now at the coughing stage, so I'm now fully prepared for the same in my girls).  Got stopped at 5 pm in the parking lot, too far from my car and the store to make a run for it either way.  In case you don't know what I'm talking about, if you're ever on a military base and you hear the National Anthem start playing, you have to stop, find the nearest American flag, face it and have your hand on your heart for the entirety of the song.  And now you you won't just think you're witnessing some really boring flash mob if you ever experience this.  Oh, and if you're driving when the song starts, you have to stop your car.  It's very patriotic.

So after getting home with the girls, I decided to run on the treadmill.  I got ready thinking I'd just do a set amount of time (30 minutes? 3 miles?).  While I was going, I felt so good I decided to break some kind of record.  So I tonight on my treadmill I ran my personal record for furthest distance consecutively (and non-consecutively for that matter) ever...5 miles.  Makes me want to try going 10, haha.  And I felt completely fine afterward.  I still do.  Still have the same old cough, same old lower back pain, no extra soreness or exhaustion.

Then I made (or heated up) dinner for everyone, got both girls to bed, showered and read for about an hour.  Oh, and I finished making two bracelets for myself.  I'll list them on my jewelry shop one of these days.

I now plan to go to bed.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I totally neglected you tonight.  There's a very good chance that I get to go to work tomorrow.  Take BOTH my kids to daycare for the first time since Friday.

The weird bug we all have is turning into a pretty nasty cough for me...I'm not looking forward to sleepless nights if the same happens for my girls.  I can't say how happy I am that my house was almost pleasant sick crying baby and a mostly happy/healthy 4 year old that ate her dinner (as I force fed her) and fought to stay awake too late, just like normal.  Oh, and I think you can guess, I stayed home again today with the older daughter.

I'd like the best chances of a decent night's sleep even though it's only 9:20, I'm going to bed.

Good night!