Tuesday, September 27, 2016

What a week

So I never intended to do the calorie counting thing over the weekend, which is why I haven't been posting updates about it.  Friday was a semi-decent day...the rest of the weekend was the same.  I did indulge a bit more, but not to the extent that I was angry with myself the next day.

Then yesterday afternoon my car wouldn't start.  I was in the process of picking up the kids...I'd already picked up my older one from school and we were getting a few groceries before going to the daycare for my youngest when the battery was clearly dead.  I apparently have no skill at keeping calm and level-headed in moments like this (imagine if it had been worse!)...I freaked out, called the husband in California (like he'd be able to help)...I think I even called my dad, haha.  Husband told me what I already knew...get someone to jump it.  Luckily there was a seriously nice older man walking to his SUV, which was parked catty-corner to mine.  I asked if he had jumper cables and he didn't, but his wife was walking to meet him and said she'd go find some...she works at the commissary and turned out to be a nice woman who had chatted with my daughter while we were checking out.  She came back with the cables and we got the car started.

Then this morning, I very nervously tried the ignition before taking the kids to school.  It started! So I left it on while taking the little one into daycare, just in case...and then dropped off the oldest at school before going to Panera Bread for my daily free bagel, coffee, and the business of calling the Dodge dealership to schedule for them to look at the battery.  It's still under warranty, so yay for that.

They say to bring it in but that they're very backed up.  I say, okay...be right there.  Go get in the car...battery is dead again.  This time no friendly older men around to save the day...I asked one random stranger who couldn't help me, and no one else was lingering in the parking lot and I wasn't about to go in to make an announcement to the Panera customers that I needed someone's car to start mine (although, I was tempted).  So I called our roadside assistance.  They showed up surprisingly fast and I was on my way to Dodge.

Those a*holes told me they were too busy to even attempt to look at it.  Seriously?!? This thing is under warranty and the battery is only 2 years old..and I have no other form of transportation..what the hell am I supposed to do?!?  They make me go up to the Chrysler/Jeep service department...which I do...and they basically tell me the same thing but they say they'll at least try to get it done.  I can't help myself...I cry for a good 10 minutes after they take the car back.  I'm thinking "how am I supposed to get on base to get my daughter from daycare? Why do things like this happen when the husband is away and I have no friends or family here to just call up for help?" (I do have one good friend but she had a baby about 3 days ago...so that's out of the question).  So after feeling sorry for myself for about 15 minutes...I get over it and get to work with their surprisingly good wifi.  I got quite a bit done when around 12:30 (3ish hours after I got there) they say my car is ready.  Seriously?!?!?! I'm happy and relieved, but also pretty pissed.  What the hell was with all the "we might not be able to even fit you in...this is going to take all day...we might need to shuttle you home..." talk??? Whatever...just give me my car.

And so that was the past two days.  So I haven't been logging my food.  BUT I did weigh another 0.2 pounds less this morning than I did last Wednesday morning.  So that's good.  And I definitely ate under the amount I burned today...but I didn't log, so I have no clue how much.  I didn't snack after dinner.

Now I need sleep.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

I'm Here for a Confession

Three days in a row...three really good days.  I woke up yesterday, weighed myself, discovered I'd dropped 3 pounds (I know it wasn't all true weight loss from just 3 good days of a modest deficit in calories, but I felt less bloated and fit better in my clothes) and my day went along as usual...just as good as the previous 3 days. Ate salad for lunch, went for a great run, did a little lifting, had a banana with peanut butter for my after workout snack...the day was going great.

Then I took my daughter to get chapstick at the Base Exchange (BX..found on most military bases..basically like a mini walmart for military members but tax free and sells a wide range of things, including wine) ......

I figured, why not have a glass or two of wine? I could fit it in my calorie amounts and I'd be fine. I think you know where I'm going with this. 

I indulged....on everything I could get my hands on. Ate some tortilla chips with some cheese dip, then 2 packs of fruit snacks (sorry kids!), then finished off the last serving in a box of cheese nips.  Drank way too much wine, and in the span of 3 hours I officially succeeded in disappointing myself.  I even binge watched Bones (I missed a bunch of the last episodes of this summer...didn't realize it was still on).

So even though I'm struggling to get back on good terms with myself this morning, I'm back on the wagon...trying to dust myself off and get back in a good mindset.  

It was like the combination of wanting to watch TV, having a fresh bottle of wine, giving myself a little slack on the rules, and seeing that progress I'd made in the morning resulted in a very reckless mindset.

Whenever I drink too much wine, I wake up in the middle of the night with barely any hope of falling back to sleep. I was up for the better part of 2 hours between 3:45 and 6:30 ...the whole time just regretting last night.  Ughhh food and wine...why do you have to be so incredibly desirable??? I get now why people say they "cheat on a diet".  I feel like the idea of wine and snacks just seduced me right out of all these good intentions I've had.  

But the beauty of fucking up for one night is that it's just one night...today is a new day.  And despite the crappy night of sleep, I still see myself going for a 3-4 mile run and staying within my calorie goals and definitely NOT drinking any wine tonight (or maybe ever again, haha).  And now I've learned my lesson...when I'm restricting myself and decide to indulge a little, I need to remember that a little means a little...and that I will be very pissed at myself if I ever let myself lose all willpower like I did last night.  

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Super Yummy Protein Shake (tastes like a peanut butter milkshake)

I had a good day yesterday...ended up going over 1,800 calories but I had a great workout and ran 3 miles, so I think I burned over 2,500.  And I went to bed feeling kind of hungry, so I had to have had a deficit in calories.  I've also started making this amazingly delicious protein shake with my awesome blender...all that goes into it are:

  • 1 tbsp natural Jif peanut butter
  • 5 oz whole milk
  • 1/2 scoop of chocolate whey protein
  • 4-5 ice cubes
Oh my god. It's like the most delicious chocolate peanut butter milkshake but it actually serves a purpose and doesn't make me feel guilty.  It has like 300 calories, but when I'm running 3+ miles every day AND lifting 2-3 times a week, it is good to get the protein (right?).  And it's a super easy way to satisfy my sweet tooth and help out my muscles.

I had it with lunch yesterday and after a run today. It might be getting a little addicting, haha.

Fulfilled everything else on my list from yesterday except editing my book (I'm going to avoid it for enough days that I feel so guilt ridden, I vow to work on it for weeks at a time, which will last about 3-5 days).  I did finish reading a YA book though....One Past Midnight...which apparently has also been published under a different title.  I plan to start The Woman in Cabin 10 tonight.  And no alcohol...again...ughhhh.  I miss wine.  But it just turns into a gateway thing for me with binge eating.  Also...so...many...calories...

Here's to this lifestyle change! Other than cutting back on alcohol, it's very fulfilling and satisfying to feel more in control of my body and my appetite. 

Monday, September 19, 2016

Day 2 with the Food Journal

I had a very successful first full day of the food journal.  My goals were to eat ~1800 calories and exercise at least a little.  Here were the results of the day:

For exercise, I took the girls to the air force base and ran on the trail for 2.5 miles with the little one in the jogging stroller (we have the Graco Expedition but it's almost 4 years old now so I couldn't find a good link for it...we also bought it at Target for only about $90..just the stroller though, no car seat).  The older daughter (just turned SIX on Friday!) got some exercise too with her scooter and she either raced ahead of me or trailed behind, but it was a great workout for her too.  I tried taking her running a few weeks ago and she made the first mile look easy breezy...then I practically had to carry her the last couple of miles (I dunno, I thought 3 miles would be easy for her..if you knew her, you'd agree...she's like an energizer bunny).

The idea of coming back here and writing about the first day gave me even more motivation to stay on track, so hopefully I can keep this up as well. 

Since I started this blog it has been kind of following along with my life journeys...I pretty regularly come up with new goals and work hard towards achieving them (or fail miserably and quietly pretend I never started them in the first place)....so since that seems to be my thing, I feel like I should write about them to hopefully keep myself accountable (I feel like I've written that exact phrase over a dozen times this year alone). 

Other than the food journal goal, I plan to finish editing my first manuscript (Earths Project) and hopefully have that done by Nov. 1 so I can do another round of NaNoWriMo...I successfully completed one round a couple of years ago with the help of this blog, so I am putting it out there in the world that I plan to do so again this year.  

So here's to another good day...if I can stay away from having an adult drink this evening, it'll be a win for sure (I'm positive most of my major calories show up when it's after 7 and I decide to celebrate surviving a day of parenting and life-ing with a half-bottle of wine and buffet of snacks).

Today's Goals:
  • Edit book for ~30 min
  • Gym & run on base
  • Eat under 1,800 calories
  • No alcohol tonight & no snacking after dinner
  • Work (given)
  • Dishes

Sunday, September 18, 2016

I am keeping a food journal

I always feel more invested in things like this when I put it out there in the world...so here it is.  In 2008, I kept a food diary (on Calorie Count) and I lost more than 20 pounds.  I have had 2 kids since then and fluctuated way back up again and way back down again (with the help of the Whole30 diet...which I completed, though it was not easy and I'm very hesitant to try it again...one major reason is that I love alcohol and the thought of going 30 days without it again just seems ridiculous).

So with running (and training for) a marathon, I got into the habit of eating whatever I wanted.  And I may not have gained much weight through that (and ate A LOT), I definitely didn't lose any.  So now that I'm running less (only between 3 and 4.5 miles per run...but I've been running more often, almost daily)...I'm still eating a lot and feeling pretty down on myself.  I also drink too much...not for alcoholic type standards, but there are a lot of calories in wine, so having 2-3 glasses on any given night AND snacking regularly like I'm some kind of calorie burning queen is not a good combination for me, or my body.  I'm still at a healthy weight, but I suspect I'm at the high end of healthy...borderline overweight.

That's not who I identify as...and my clothes agree. So I started the food journal yesterday, this time with My Fitness Pal because I have a Garmin VivoActive HR and they play well together.  I ate over 2,500 calories (that's including the 2-3 glasses of wine) and then gave up tracking what I was eating.  But this morning, instead of feeling discouraged, I woke up feeling determined.  I've done this before.  I've done a million things harder than this.  Not to brag, but I've pumped (breastmilk) while driving...I've breastfed and pumped while at work for 2 full years of my life.  I've trained for and ran a half and full marathon.  I completed one Whole30 (which really felt as hard for me as my first two examples combined). I've written 2 full books, one during NaNoWriMo (not that I've been able to get either published, but still..).  I've definitely had a crapload of determination to accomplish goals that I've set my mind to...so I can absolutely watch what I eat, set a calorie deficit goal, and lose 5-10 pounds (15 would be ideal).  Right? Right??

Yea...so, I'm off to the base with my kids so I can run on a trail before getting some healthy food.  I'll try checking in again with my progress soon (of course, if you don't hear from me, that's probably not a good sign).

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I Ran a Marathon

I'm still wincing as I go up and down the steps, but I did it!  I am slightly disappointed in myself, however, for not running the whole thing...miles 1-21 were freakin awesome..I felt amazing and felt like I could hit my goal of getting in under 5 hours (or hitting it exactly)...unfortunately my legs decided they didn't want to be pushed much further at that point and every time I'd start running, I'd have to stop and walk for a quarter mile, then run a quarter mile, then walk, and so on.

But the fact that I ran the first 20 at a steady good pace made me feel like I could do this again and for sure hit my goal of seeing a 4 in that first number.  Either way, I moved forward for 5:15 minutes and I completed 26.2 miles yesterday morning.  I ran a marathon.  I am so happy that is something I've done in my life now.  It doesn't matter whether I try it again or reach my goal or never run another mile in my life, I ran a marathon.

Now if only I could get a book published...my bucket list would be all red lines.

I'm feeling very full of happy endorphins now :)

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Marathon is Tomorrow!

I am running a marathon tomorrow!!!  I'm trying to prepare myself in every regard....getting everything charged, making a list of everything I want to do to prepare for tomorrow morning.  I'm sitting outside and it's pretty darn warm out for 9:40 in the morning, and it might be even warmer tomorrow at this time...which is a bummer, but it is what it is and at least for the first couple of hours of running, it'll be cool.  When the wind blows, it's much cooler and more bearable and I'm just going to have to deal.  It'll still be cooler than the half marathon in Arizona was last year at this time.

If all goes well, I should be done between 11:30 and 12:30 (haha..12:30 if all doesn't go well but I still finish, 11:30 if I kick ass and do a steady good race...which is my ultimate goal...my secondary goal is to finish it, so that'd be the 12:30 time...and when you really think about it, isn't 6 hours of moving more grueling than 5...even if they are slower movements?).

Underneath it all I'm equally terrified and excited.  Maybe more excited than terrified, which is good.  Gotta go parent..taking the kids to the parks.

Update...7:45 PM

My girls are at our friends' house...they'll be keeping them over night and throughout the race tomorrow morning.  I really hope they're good and no incidents occur!

I'm all packed up and feeling as ready as I can be.  Rigatoni for dinner with some sourdough bread for a side...sourdough bread with peanut butter for breakfast and maybe a banana (I need to eat before long runs like this or I feel all shaky and energy depleted...I also bring mixed nuts on my long runs and eat them as I go...it has worked for my 3 longest runs and I'm excited to try it out tomorrow).

Packed in my handheld:
-Pepto bismol chewables (you never know...they've save me on several occasions)
-Some body glide in a baggy
-Mixed Nuts
-2 Bags Fruit Snacks
-3 nuun tablets
-Piece of gum
-Headphones in case the Bluetooth ones die
-Probably some other stuff...I'm the survivalist type.

Banana is for the car and I'll apply the body glide in the appropriate places when I get to the park.  IPod is gonna clip to the handheld strap.

Holy shit, this is happening in less than 12 hours.