Thursday, March 31, 2016

Exercise and the Microsoft Band (first version)

First off, let's recap the last post...I was feeling horribly lonesome.  Since that evening (where I definitely hit my mental capacity for rock bottom), I've been feeling a lot more positive.  Getting into facebook groups that relate to me and my interests has helped and I'm setting up a few meet and greets with others in this area so hopefully that works out (no matter how apprehensive I am about them!).

This post is going to be more about where I'm at physically, instead of emotionally, at this point in my life.  This past Sunday I ran 9 miles without needing to stop to walk...just to see if I could.  I've been pushing my distance further over the past several weeks, not needing to walk during a run for over a month (I think) except for once when I ran the day after a snowstorm and got stuck in an area where I could choose between mud and snow, so I chose to walk until I got back to sidewalk.

Then on Tuesday, I ran 3.7 miles, finishing off the run with hill repeats (for the first time in my life) at the end of the run.  Basically you run up a hill faster than normal, then walk or slowly jog back down, then run fast up.  I chose to walk down but I ran up that hill as fast as I could, three times in a row.

Today, even though I almost couldn't find time to fit it in, and it was cold and snowing out, and I forgot ear muffs or a hat even though I know my ears get really painful when I run in the cold...I still ran 2 miles on the track at the gym, which was my goal (didn't have much time before having to get the kids from daycare).  I was so proud of myself!

Unfortunately, it was too cold for my watch to get a reading on my heart rate (the underwhelming Microsoft Band...that'll be a post on its own, maybe combined with a post on the even more underwhelming Android phone I have)...GPS worked though and I did the 2 miles in just under 20 minutes.  9:55 mile avg pace...super exciting bc I'm usually between a 10:30 and 11 minute pace.

The reason I'm disgruntled with the watch: it has been underestimating my daily burn by a lot.  After this run, I'm certain of it, because even though it tracked my pace and the amount of steps I took for that run, it calculated that I only burned 100 calories.  I know it had to have at least been double that amount.  So this has to mean that it was wrong on all of those days where it said I burned 1500 total even after cleaning the house, bathing the children, running up and down the steps to my office all day...not to mention the fact that I weight lift and exercise regularly, which should help me burn more all the time, right? Muscle burns calories faster...or so I've read in every single fitness and nutrition magazine.

Another, more undeniable reason I know my watch has been significantly under-calculating my calorie burn is the fact that I've been tracking my intake since Sunday.  I've dropped a few pounds already which is probably not true weight-loss but I can feel/see a difference.  The deficit according to the watch was not significant but I think the true calorie burn this week was a lot higher.  For instance, on Sunday, even after running 9 miles and burning 1,000 calories...and spending 3 hours that morning cleaning my house...and bathing the kids...and taking the girls for a f**ing watch calculated 2,400 total for the whole day.  That's 1,400 if I didn't run 9 1400 calories burned all day...for breathing and cleaning and walking and playing with the kids and basically being really active all day.  What the hell am I supposed to eat?  According to this watch I'd basically have to starve myself to lose weight.  Such bullshit.

Okay, so this post turned into an 'underwhelming watch' post after all.  Guess I'll change the title.  And I'll stop here and head to bed...after some Facebook scrolling and new watch browsing.

Saturday, March 19, 2016


Then tonight, my husband falls asleep at 8 o'clock.  I've been basically on my own, no other adult conversation (I have one co-worker that still chats with me throughout the day now that I work from home full time, and she was off for two days) for the majority of my time since we moved to Colorado.  I have no friends here yet, I basically just talk with the daycare workers for about 10 minutes total per day...and my husband tonight, on a Saturday night, claims that he's always been like this and that I just have to accept it.  I'm not wanting him to stay awake past 8 for shits and giggles.  I'm asking for it so I can retain a bit of sanity.  But apparently even though I've gone from working in an office with friends to working by myself observing those friends going on with their lives without me...while I just continue my work alone with no one to talk to ever, I should just get over the fact that he can't even stay awake past 7:59 to humor me...doesn't even care when he knows I'm feeling more lonely than ever right now.  And this is HIS fucking fault in the first place.  I didn't want to move from AZ.  But this is what it's like when you're not in control of your own life.  And I now have no friends, no social life, no one to complain to about this, no one who cares, not even him.  And all I do is miss AZ.  Like random small talk with people who don't even give me the time of day if I text or email them, I'm being annoying now and they can't find the time to respond.

I'll admit, I'm miserable.  So ridiculously miserable I can't even put it into words.  I knew this might happen, and here it is, happening.  And the fucking person I moved here because of is making it worse instead of better.  My daughters love their daycare.  That's at least a relief.  But I'm miserable every day.

And no one even knows or cares.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Sibling Rivalry

So I know I'm 33 years old and should be well past the age of giving a crap if my parents play favorites between me and my sister, but I can't help myself.  My brother-in-law and I both post photos of our kids a lot...he might do this more than me, but not by much.  And my father shares the photos posted of my niece and nephew about 75% of the time...and he shares about 5% of the photos I post of my kids.

Not to brag, but I have some pretty darn cute what the H, Dad?  Why do you like my sister's kids better than mine??  Luckily there's about a 1% chance he'll ever read this blog...and about a 0.01% chance he's ever read any blog, so I'm confident I won't get in trouble for this post.  My sister might stumble upon it someday accidentally, but I seriously doubt it...and if she does, oh well, whatever, go right ahead and tell on me.

Either way, I can't keep quiet about this anymore...I bitch about it to my husband every time I see one of my dad's "isn't she adorable" photo shares of May...but what am I supposed to do?  Confront my dad?

"Why don't you think my photos of Jane hiking in the beautiful Rocky Mountains are share worthy Dad?"

He'd either start sharing my kids' photos out of pity, or stop sharing the photos he really wants to share of my niece and nephew, again, out of pity.  So it's a lose, is what it is.

Friday, March 11, 2016


The kids are playing with iPads (shut up, it's a Friday night), husband is watching the Celtics, and I'm drinking tequila...well, margaritas.  I'm now suspicious that every margarita I've ever ordered from any restaurant has basically been a mix of some lower shelf tequila and the standard margarita mix you can buy for $3 at any grocery store.  I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, those are some overpriced drinks.  I'm waiting for my kids to go to bed so I can eat the chocolate I have stashed upstairs in the cupboard.

I've been editing the manuscript I'm most emotionally attached to (I've got two...not that big of a deal, but two is a lot compared to where I was about 5 years ago) over the past couple of months and I'm feeling really good about it...this is my year, 33rd year of life...I will polish up this thing and send it out and I will get an agent and I will sell this thing.  Oh god....wishful thinking is so amazing...and then heartbreaking...and then delusional.

A co-worker/friend offered to read it when I'm done editing it again (well, I sort of asked her to, what was she gonna say? No?).

What if I really do sell it?  It's a YA romance type with a love triangle...I love books like this so what if it really sells and people love it?  You would be everything I've ever wanted.  Well, not everything I've ever wanted.  There are some things I want that I can't ever have, but that's life.

I'm going to go ahead and shut this down now...the tequila is writing things now that I have no control over.

Good night.

Haha, and I just watched the end of Tropic Thunder and I still love Ludacris...I don't care how old I am and how many kids I have.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Hiking, Nora Roberts, Being Sick, Missing an Awesome Event

I'm stuck in Colorado Springs this weekend when all of my favorite non-immediate family people are working at the most physically exhausting but amazing fundraiser of the year for the organization I work for.  I'm so sad I'm not there in Phoenix with them...the days are long and, like I said, exhausting, but I still would give anything to be working there this weekend.

In truth, it's still probably good I'm not there, considering last night at this time I was sporting a 101.5 degree fever and felt like death.  After 9 hours of sleep and some heavy doses of ibuprofen, I felt almost back to normal again today.  So during the girls' nap time I packed the dog in the car and, after a short detour to return some library books, I drove him up to Palmer Park where we spent the most lovely hour hiking/jogging/walking through the trails, just exploring the bike paths and enjoying the outdoors.  It was so awesome.

I even found an unread Nora Roberts book in my Audible library this morning so I got to listen to that on the hike.  It was like finding a $20 bill in an old jacket pocket.  So excited to have 15 hours worth of unexpected entertainment.  I felt really good, other than a slightly sore throat and a stuffy nose, so I figured I'm mostly cured of this flu-like infection.  Then I went to the grocery store with the fam and felt all the worst symptoms come back strong.  Super sore throat, aches, chills, fever-like symptoms.  I took more ibuprofen, which kicked in quickly, and I made my garlic/honey tonic and have been taking spoonfuls of that since noticing some white patches at the back of my throat.  I don't think it's strep, I think I have a tonsil I just get infected tonsils every time I catch a bug.  Sucks.

Now I'm home watching Creed with the husband and trying to drown out the noises coming from both my kids' respective devices.  

Also, I ordered myself a Kindle Fire with an Amazon gift card I got from my in-laws.  I'm super's supposed to arrive tomorrow (yes, a Sunday, weird right?).  I certainly don't need anymore tablets, but I LOVE them and when a gift card literally covers the full cost of one, I'm not going to pass it up.  I don't need anything else on Amazon at the moment.  And I like spending birthday money on wants rather than needs.

We're supposed to have good weather again tomorrow and now I'm addicted to Palmer Park, so me and Ike are heading there again.  I kind of can't wait.

I really really really wish I were in Phoenix though.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

I'm Turning 33 Tomorrow

Since I can remember, my favorite number has been 3.  I'm a little more obsessed with this favorite number than most people probably are with their favorite numbers (or at least, I like to think I am).  So tomorrow is a big deal for me....just like 3/3/03 was a big deal...but this one is a bigger deal because I get to have two threes in my age for 365 days.  And when people ask how old I am, I won't hesitate and have to mentally count for a second or two (which I've had to do a lot).  I'll shout it out like a little kid, maybe even hold up three fingers on each hand.

So I am pretty sure I'm the only one who gives a shit about my birthday.  Which is fine, once you're past 21, who cares about any birthday?  Steve suggested we take a half day and go out to a movie, then he got switched to a new position at his job so that idea never resurfaced.  Whatever.  Then he suggested I order the microSD card I need to transfer my iTunes library to (the one I'm using currently is full)...this "gift" costs a whopping $35.  And lastly, he suggested we go to Chili's for dinner, my favorite.

Tonight I mentioned I'm going to get my favorite nachos there along with a margarita and my favorite dessert.  He actually got mad about all these "things" I want for my birthday, said something along the lines of "you're getting that SD card, we're not gonna spend $100 at Chilis" I internalized a moment of deep hatred for his dismissal and annoyance at any day that should be dedicated to me (he's the same with Mother's Day and Christmas...gets all pissed that I should want anything).

It is what it is...and if he doesn't do anything special for tomorrow other than the dinner at Chilis (and doesn't complain anymore about it), I'll be fine.  If he doesn't do anything more and DOES complain about it, I'll be even more disappointed.

This is what being an adult is...for me at least.  Expectations being lowered or eliminated all together...when it comes to expecting anything of other people.

But I will be happy tomorrow, for myself, for being 33.  I will start writing something new and I will indulge a little and let myself read or relax and not feel bad for making Steve give the kids a bath (I haven't even brought that up to him yet...but it's going to be one of those "you do it or it's not getting done" situations).

So Happy Birthday to me!  Best age ever!