Healthy Choices are Hard

I lost steam SO fast this year. I did the guided meditations, still do them most days, but I lost my motivation to eat healthy. I have been reading more to my daughters, which is a win, and I've been writing almost every day (this is something I most want to do this year, I don't care if I gain 50 pounds, if I do it while writing every day, that's alright...I mean, it would kind of suck, but at least I'd have one thing to be proud of for myself). Okay, just to specify, if you're sitting there thinking "Gaining 50 lbs in a year shouldn't be something you get down on yourself for, it's what your image of your body is that matters most" then I call bullshit. Because if I gain 50 lbs in a year (without creating a baby in the process), it's not healthy...it's extremely unhealthy and will probably severely impact my overall quality of life...I don't want to make healthy choices to look good, I want to make healthy choices to FEEL good.

Okay, sorry for the tangent. 

So I'm taking every day as a new day...writing some short stories, writing as much as I can toward my current manuscript project, exercising a bunch more (5-6 days a week ..for 2 weeks, haha). Haven't listed a new item in my jewelry shop yet that will serve as my "proceeds go to a charity that will be in danger under new POTUS administration"...but I'm trying to come up with something that will look good as a piece of jewelry but will also serve the purpose of making a statement. Haven't had any worthwhile ideas yet, unfortunately.

I'm extremely tempted to subscribe to Publishers Weekly as my birthday present (March 3rd...so a little while from now). It's expensive (in my opinion)...but I feel like I'll enjoy it and it'll help me understand the publishing side of writing better.

These new resolutions have sort of masked the fact that since 2017 began, I've made myself extremely busy. Getting up super early to exercise, working all day, writing/reading/spending time with the family every night, working late on a couple of fun work projects, socializing. So today was a lazy day, a free day between two days off (tomorrow is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day). We were supposed to get snow but that didn't really happen...although it's coming down now that the sun has gone down and we'll miss the pretty part of freshly falling snow. Yesterday I went to Barnes n Noble and went for a run, then we had friends over. Tomorrow I'll clean the house, hopefully work out at the gym, and hopefully go to Barnes n Noble again. But I'm very happy I had today to do nothing. It has been a very long time. I wrote, read, and laid around lazily for 12 hours so far. Cleaned a little bit, but not enough to make me resent it.  Now I'm watching the Steelers with my husband. Gonna go make myself a drink. Probably go to bed early. One of those days I always wish for but rarely take advantage of...I'm the type that feels a major amount of guilt when I'm being lazy. I wouldn't let myself feel that way today.

So looking over everything, the real area I'm lacking is eating healthier. I suck at it. I drink too much and eat whatever I want all day long....damn it! I'm not overweight, but I'm gaining weight, and my running is slower. I also don't want to buy a new wardrobe because I keep busting out of the clothes I already own. Seriously...I discovered a hole in one of my favorite pairs of jeans yesterday (right below the crotch...it was worn away from my legs rubbing together...just the worst, right?)...then today in my other favorite pair of jeans, a pair that used to be loose, they are super tight AND the loop that connects to the buckle thing is ripping because my big belly is pulling it too tight. Damn it!! 

 

In summation, even though I'm doing good on MOST of my resolutions, this one is really in my face right now...gotta take it more seriously. 

As I sit here drinking a third beer.

Ugh...

Oh well, Go Steelers!

Exercise and the Microsoft Band (first version)

First off, let's recap the last post...I was feeling horribly lonesome.  Since that evening (where I definitely hit my mental capacity for rock bottom), I've been feeling a lot more positive.  Getting into facebook groups that relate to me and my interests has helped and I'm setting up a few meet and greets with others in this area so hopefully that works out (no matter how apprehensive I am about them!).

This post is going to be more about where I'm at physically, instead of emotionally, at this point in my life.  This past Sunday I ran 9 miles without needing to stop to walk...just to see if I could.  I've been pushing my distance further over the past several weeks, not needing to walk during a run for over a month (I think) except for once when I ran the day after a snowstorm and got stuck in an area where I could choose between mud and snow, so I chose to walk until I got back to sidewalk.

Then on Tuesday, I ran 3.7 miles, finishing off the run with hill repeats (for the first time in my life) at the end of the run.  Basically you run up a hill faster than normal, then walk or slowly jog back down, then run fast up.  I chose to walk down but I ran up that hill as fast as I could, three times in a row.

Today, even though I almost couldn't find time to fit it in, and it was cold and snowing out, and I forgot ear muffs or a hat even though I know my ears get really painful when I run in the cold...I still ran 2 miles on the track at the gym, which was my goal (didn't have much time before having to get the kids from daycare).  I was so proud of myself!

Unfortunately, it was too cold for my watch to get a reading on my heart rate (the underwhelming Microsoft Band...that'll be a post on its own, maybe combined with a post on the even more underwhelming Android phone I have)...GPS worked though and I did the 2 miles in just under 20 minutes.  9:55 mile avg pace...super exciting bc I'm usually between a 10:30 and 11 minute pace.

The reason I'm disgruntled with the watch: it has been underestimating my daily burn by a lot.  After this run, I'm certain of it, because even though it tracked my pace and the amount of steps I took for that run, it calculated that I only burned 100 calories.  I know it had to have at least been double that amount.  So this has to mean that it was wrong on all of those days where it said I burned 1500 total even after cleaning the house, bathing the children, running up and down the steps to my office all day...not to mention the fact that I weight lift and exercise regularly, which should help me burn more all the time, right? Muscle burns calories faster...or so I've read in every single fitness and nutrition magazine.

Another, more undeniable reason I know my watch has been significantly under-calculating my calorie burn is the fact that I've been tracking my intake since Sunday.  I've dropped a few pounds already which is probably not true weight-loss but I can feel/see a difference.  The deficit according to the watch was not significant but I think the true calorie burn this week was a lot higher.  For instance, on Sunday, even after running 9 miles and burning 1,000 calories...and spending 3 hours that morning cleaning my house...and bathing the kids...and taking the girls for a walk...my f**ing watch calculated 2,400 total for the whole day.  That's 1,400 if I didn't run 9 miles...so 1400 calories burned all day...for breathing and cleaning and walking and playing with the kids and basically being really active all day.  What the hell am I supposed to eat?  According to this watch I'd basically have to starve myself to lose weight.  Such bullshit.

Okay, so this post turned into an 'underwhelming watch' post after all.  Guess I'll change the title.  And I'll stop here and head to bed...after some Facebook scrolling and new watch browsing.

Double bummer.

I'm sitting on my couch in my living room.  We're home from our second annual trip to Disneyland for our daughter's birthday.  It's not so much that we're spoiling our daughter as it is that it's an easy drive to one of the happiest places on Earth, and we'll only be this close for another year or so before my husband's Air Force career takes us somewhere else.  I would probably be writing this from my bed if it weren't for the load of laundry that needed to get done tonight so our daughter can have a blanket for her nap tomorrow at daycare.

So, I didn't run or exercise at all on the trip.  Ha.  Damn it.  I did walk an average of at least 8 miles each day if my husband's google search of how many steps are in a mile was accurate.  That's almost the distance of a marathon over the whole trip.  I'm mostly just pissed at myself for missing out on the experience of exercising on the trip.

I have very fond memories of exercising on vacations. There was the time I was moving from Louisiana to Pennsylvania and drove up by myself a few days before my husband left so I could make it to a friend's wedding.  I ran on a treadmill in the crappy fitness center in a cheap Holiday Inn somewhere around the halfway point.  Afterward I had no guilt getting a nice dinner and watching a movie in my room.  And there was the time in Pennsylvania when I was pregnant with my second daughter and I got up early to run/walk on the treadmill in the impressively large fitness center in a resort while I was there for a work conference.  Memories I really cherish, and I wanted to add one of running around Downtown Disney a few times, but I was too exhausted/lazy to get out of bed either day to add it to my list.

It was a fun trip though...the birthday girl was a lot more opinionated this time and complained half the time, but our younger one was pleasant and really content to just watch people from the stroller.  I breastfed in public almost a dozen times, which was awesome.  I used to be so afraid to do that with my first go around, but I've become such a pro at it that even I can't see any of my own business while she eats, sans nursing blanket.  I just pull the nursing cami down under my shirt, lift my shirt to the perfect spot, she latches and eats and Disney guests are none the wiser.  I saw lots of other nursing mommies around too, and I always tried to make eye contact and smile.  They probably thought I was crazy.

So two Disney trips down, maybe one more to go?  We're not staying in a Disney resort again if that's the case...I think they took a couple of our arms and legs before we left.  Worse than the way airlines suck your wallet dry.


On a total side note...
I WILL NEVER BUY A FIAT.  Their commercials lately make me curse...a lot...even when my kids are in ear shot.  

Fastest 5K Ever...and slacked in all areas of my life, again

My day went really similar to the way it went yesterday.  I did eat a lot healthier though.  I had a great run this morning (despite the 4 beers and pizza/wings waking me up at 2am and threatening to come back up...somehow I willed myself to keep it down and eventually fell back to sleep).

After the run I wrote up my weekly to-do list.  Unfortunately, I only finished about half of the list because I got distracted by basically everything.  And looking back, I realize that everything I allowed to distract me fell into the exercise category of my life.  Base Exchange for running pants.  Research online for double strollers, realizing the hand-me-down in the garage will work fine.  Spending upwards of 2 hours figuring out how to use said hand-me-down and attempting to fix one of the flat tires (still not done with that...need to get a tube with an angled valve...or something).

I didn't: vacuum the floors or mop the kitchen or clean the toilets or do yoga or make the fingerprint stamp....So that part of my long list is being pushed to tomorrow before work in the morning and after work tomorrow evening.  It's going to be a busy day because buy tube with angled valve is now on the list.

At least I feel good from the run.  And I'm going to bed early, feeling fresh and hoping I can get up bright and early and knock a couple of things off that list.  Thursday morning we're packing up the vehicle and going to Disneyland for a long weekend.  I'm finally getting excited about it.  And our little baby girl is turning FOUR on Tuesday.  BUSY week ahead.  I feel like I'll working off of one mile long to-do list for the next 3 full days.

Time for that early bedtime.

When part of my life excels, another part is neglected.

Yesterday morning was my longest consecutive run in my whole life. I ran 4.21 miles (I'm slow...it took me over 38 minutes).  I took my dog, Ike, and he kept up but I definitely wore him out.  I felt so good at the end, I thought I'd be able to add another mile or two, but I don't want to overdo it and end up with shin splints or runners knee, both of which I've gotten after adding too much, too fast (fast as in days per week, not speed during the run, haha).

This run occurred the morning after drinking a couple of decent sized glasses of wine (not sure if anyone could understand that blog post...I wrote with a stylus in OneNote on my Asus VivoTab 8 and it turned out to read like a mad libs poem type jumble.  I didn't want to mess with the results for fear that I'd ruin the creativity of the handwriting recognition of OneNote).  I figure, if I can get up and have my spoonful of peanut butter, chug a glass of water and eat a couple of Gu Chomps...then run further than ever before on a slight hangover, what's stopping me from doing it on a regular basis?  Or going further still?

Today I had lunch with a friend at Chili's...I overate (like, really overate)...then still managed to stop at the gym on the way home for a short workout before my 8 month old got too mad about the postponement of her next nursing session.

So this part of my life-the fitness part-is going pretty great.  The nutrition is up and down (I write, as I take a swig of my Stella Artois and uncomfortably digest my wings and pizza...but I had a veggie smoothie for breakfast along with eggs, green peppers and whole wheat toast--and we all know Chili's is packed with nutritious ingredients haha).

I haven't written in my book since Wednesday.  Wednesday was a long time ago.  At least I'm writing here, because to be honest, if I wasn't writing in this blog, I wouldn't be writing at all.  No offense to my job (I love what I do and what what I do stands for-it's a great nonprofit) but writing is what I want to do, and on a list of must have priorities, it gets pushed down to the bottom.  And it's one of those lists of really important priorities.  Here, I'll show you:

1.  My kids/family
2.  My job (full time)
3.  My sanity
4.  My health (exercise falls into this category and the third category)
5.  Sleep (the sanity part kind of relies on this one too)
6.  My jewelry shop (Carmella's Jewelry --and this one moves higher on the list during the holiday season...so soon it'll be trumping sanity)
7.  Writing

So, as you can see, this leaves me with very limited time for writing.  And when it does get time, it's that exhausted leftover type time, which leaves little room for quality.

That's where you come in...writing in this blog counts for priority numbers 3 and 7...if I write everyday, it'll help me build that habit.

I've managed to write one full manuscript in my life (even with most of these priorities still making the list...one less kid though, haha).  Now that I think about it, maybe I should consider editing that first manuscript again...try and get it published again, before I spend the next year attempting to write a second.  Eh...it's worth considering again (I've edited it twice already, I just needed to start somewhere fresh, and I like this second book).

Whatever.  I'll figure something out.  It was good to see this list in black and white though, maybe I just need to write first thing in the day everyday from now on.  It doesn't require too much time, and it'd get better quality earlier in the day (I can only assume).

I should stop now.  No one is reading this far into this intimidatingly long post...and if you are, you're yawning.  Good night.