Saturday, March 19, 2016


Then tonight, my husband falls asleep at 8 o'clock.  I've been basically on my own, no other adult conversation (I have one co-worker that still chats with me throughout the day now that I work from home full time, and she was off for two days) for the majority of my time since we moved to Colorado.  I have no friends here yet, I basically just talk with the daycare workers for about 10 minutes total per day...and my husband tonight, on a Saturday night, claims that he's always been like this and that I just have to accept it.  I'm not wanting him to stay awake past 8 for shits and giggles.  I'm asking for it so I can retain a bit of sanity.  But apparently even though I've gone from working in an office with friends to working by myself observing those friends going on with their lives without me...while I just continue my work alone with no one to talk to ever, I should just get over the fact that he can't even stay awake past 7:59 to humor me...doesn't even care when he knows I'm feeling more lonely than ever right now.  And this is HIS fucking fault in the first place.  I didn't want to move from AZ.  But this is what it's like when you're not in control of your own life.  And I now have no friends, no social life, no one to complain to about this, no one who cares, not even him.  And all I do is miss AZ.  Like random small talk with people who don't even give me the time of day if I text or email them, I'm being annoying now and they can't find the time to respond.

I'll admit, I'm miserable.  So ridiculously miserable I can't even put it into words.  I knew this might happen, and here it is, happening.  And the fucking person I moved here because of is making it worse instead of better.  My daughters love their daycare.  That's at least a relief.  But I'm miserable every day.

And no one even knows or cares.


  1. I'm so sorry. I really hope that it gets better quickly. You will make friends, it takes time. In our house I'm the one who goes to bed early because I'm up early with the kids. But I still completely understand that lonely feeling. I've lived in our town for most of my life and I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I've been a stay at home mom for the last 10 1/2 years. I talk to myself more than anyone else. Maybe a sit down with hubby will help? Transitions are never easy, hopefully he will help you through this one. It will get better. Good thoughts coming your way!

    1. We had a talk the next day...things are a little better now, I'm looking for book groups and writing groups and running groups...I haven't found one in particular yet but there are a lot of options. I just have to find the time for it, haha.

      Thank you!!