Tuesday, November 10, 2015

My Life

It's past my bedtime but I wanted to soak up this night off from all the things that have been on my mind lately.  I am 32 years old and I have realized tonight that this is probably the craziest my life has ever been and will ever be (including this chunk of time where my children are children, until they're adults and are living independently of me).  When I was in college, I thought I was busy.  I was, definitely, for a decent part of that time in my life.  There was a time when I had three jobs and still managed to take classes and do well in them.  That was still not as much as I feel like I have on my plate now.  I don't mean to sound like a complainer.  I'm just trying to come to terms with where my life stands right now, and where I hope it'll be in the future.

Take today...I got up (late...7:10am) and got my kids dressed and ready for school.  Threw a couple of meats from the freezer to the fridge to thaw for dinners the next couple of days...made myself coffee and toast.  Begged my 5 year old to get dressed.  Dressed my almost 2 year old.  Begged my 5 year old to get dressed again.  Turned off TV and finally accomplished 5 year old getting dressed.  Took kids to daycare (2 year old seemed fine at the time, ominous, I know).  Came back home and worked a little, then went for a short run with the dog.  Got in the car and went to work.  Spent three(ish) blissful hours at work with actual adults and sat through part of a staff meeting when my phone rang and a very nice woman at my daycare informed me that my almost 2 year old had a 101.3 degree fever and could I please take her home at my earliest possible ..right now.  So I made a rare announcement to my coworkers that I had to leave and basically rushed out of there.  I'm a terrible mother because I stopped for wine on the way to get my sick daughter.  It was on the evening agenda (I'm sorry Abby).

Called several times until I finally got a nurse to agree to let her come in to the health center on base to rule out ear or throat issue that could possibly need antibiotics.  Tomorrow's a holiday and taking both of my children to urgent care in the Fall sounded much worse than badgering my pediatrician to fit her in for a quick check up.

No ear infection, no throat issues.  Probably just a yucky virus.  So then we go to the store, because we're almost out of milk.  I end up putting way too much in my basket before I remember I walked to the store from the doctor's office and now have to lug all the groceries back to the car without the cart.  I buy two grocery bags (the sturdy ones with handles) to help me out.  Back to the daycare to get second child.  Then back home.  Children play in the house for about a half an hour while I recuperate (sit) for 30 minutes on my phone, mindlessly scrolling through my facebook feed.  We all get up and get dressed (with blankets and all...it's finally Fall in Arizona!!) for a walk with Ike.  Half of the walk is relaxing and half of the walk entails of me yelling at Jane to sit still and stop turning in her seat when her blanket keeps getting caught on the ground, yelling at Ike to stop yanking us in random directions for no apparent reason, and talking to Jane about things that don't make much sense (she's pretty adorable but when you're trying to zone out, her jabbering on about how funny it'd be if stroller was a real ship floating in the water is just distracting...I know I'll regret saying this in the future, but that's how I felt when I was in between yelling at Ike and trying to avoid getting hit by a car as I lifted her blanket off the ground for the 10th time).

We got home and I immediately started dinner.  We ate.  Then we facetimed with daddy and afterward, I sat them down on the couch for some truly enjoyable disney shorts on Netflix.  Then medicine for both (they have these heartbreakingly yucky coughs and bedtime for both girls around 7 and finally some quiet time for mommy (an episode of Gray's Anatomy...way too much halloween candy...and maybe 2ish glasses (large) of wine).

So while I was trying out some stress relieving activities (bath, book, then tea bags on my eyes), I realized this truly is the most hectic time of my life.  Regardless of how many jobs I have (although a full time job and a part time business are both intimidating without the two kids and a husband away thrown into the mix), and regardless of how much school made me crazy...there has never been a time in my life other than this that I've been this overflowing with things I have a responsibility to keep up with.

The moral to this entirely too long post is that if I could be granted one wish for myself (I have lots more that take priority that are for my children and family but if I were forced to pick one for myself), I'd wish that I could live long enough to see my children grown and happy and healthy and have a moment to spend some truly relaxing time on a regular basis to read or write or do whatever it is I feel like doing that doesn't leave me feeling like I've rotted brain cells (facebook) or stolen time from my children.  That was certainly a long-winded way to come to this conclusion, but that's the inspiration for this post.  Being a mother with a lot on her plate is totally worth it.  I just hope I have a moment in the future to have too much time on my hands.  God does that sound good right now.

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