My husband leaves for OTS (Office Training School) in 5 days. I'll be single parenting for 2 months before I see him again and I'm far from ready for all of the changes this will bring. Not to mention moving to another state when he gets finished. I could have gone to Barnes n Noble this afternoon during naptime, and maybe I should have, but I decided to stay home, sit in our office, and mimic my new weekend afternoon naptime routine. This way it won't be such a foreign thing next week when I can no longer leave the house while the kids are asleep.
I can't really put into words how I'm feeling right now about all of this...it's hard to think of anything else though. It makes me want to cry, while at the same time look forward to the ability to have some time to myself; makes me sad to leave Arizona and the friends I've made here, while at the same time I'm looking forward to Colorado Springs.
I'm honestly close to having a nervous breakdown. Really, I feel like I might pass out at least once a day (not joking...I'm actually slightly concerned about this on a medical level, but it happened when we were leaving PA too, so I'm chalking it up to stress).
My amazing job is being so flexible with me...they've offered to give me irregular hours for the next two months so I don't have to worry about racing to and from work to make it to the daycare on time. I'll be going in from 10-3:30 Monday through Friday (I used to work from home on Mondays...this is going to be the compromise for having me in every day)...then spend a couple of hours each evening working at home after the kids go to bed. This arrangement made me want to cry happy tears when I learned about it on Friday.
So regardless of all of the reasons I'm stressing about this transition, I'm confident we'll get through it fine. I've got supportive friends at work, kids that are both (usually) well behaved (just kidding, the older daughter is usually doing the opposite of what I ask of her...but with just me here, we might be able to get into a routine where she isn't getting herself in trouble most of the time...I hope), wine, books I can read, movies I can watch. Gotta cook for the family...that's gonna be no fun...but everything I'm worrying about...everything that's making it hard to catch my breath...it's all minor compared to what some people have to manage on their own. I'm really just being a baby about all of it.
I guess I never anticipated how much harder each of these moves is going to get. I used to look forward to them. In Louisiana, when Steve went to train for this recruiting job for 6 weeks, I was happier than maybe any time of my life (no offense, husband). Up until then, I'd never lived by myself before...so 6 weeks of my own apartment while living in a city was incredible. I'm not the type to get bored with too much time on my hands...so that's when I started making jewelry, I read about a dozen books, watched any movie I felt like watching, went out with friends for dinner and drinks (the one thing that'll be almost impossible this time around...babysitters are expensive), and my house always looked the same when I came home from work as it looked when I left it in the morning. It was the most liberating 6 weeks of my life. Then we moved to PA and I had a baby. So moving out here was not easy, but we did it together. This time, doing so much of this by myself while taking care of two daughters and a dog...it's all so much more intimidating.
I could go on and on about all of this though (as you can see), and that's something I'd rather not do right now. I'll go read now...and finish up a couple of jewelry orders.
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