Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Facebook is evil

I really have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, minus the love half.  So many countless times in the mornings and evenings, and basically any other free moment of my day (getting gas, waiting for pizza, waiting in any line), I have found myself on facebook feeling disgusted by myself, by people in general, or just displeased with my overabuse of it.

It does sometimes make me laugh, yes....and it is my last strong link with people I no longer get to see regularly but still want to have in my life (especially considering I'm in a military family so there is a huge benefit to having a way to keep in touch and to keep my family and friends involved in our life).   But I seriously fucking hate it.  I hate that when I pick up my phone, it's the first app I open.  I hate that sometimes when I close out of it in search of something more fulfilling or substantial, I mindlessly find myself going back into it minutes later.  I hate that, more often than not, I'm annoyed or repulsed by the things I see people posting in it.  And for whatever reason, I keep going back.  It really feels like a sick addiction sometimes.

Maybe I really need to draw some lines for myself.  I feel like there has to be a healthy balance between keeping a link with friends and family while not feeling crazy every time I need to peel myself away from it.

Maybe I'll benefit from hiding the people that I really don't talk to anymore and never really talked to and plan to never talk to again.  Like cleaning my closet...clothes I haven't worn in forever and plan to never wear again get donated....I should do this soon.  It might help.  It might not leave much left in my news feed, but maybe that's another benefit to cleaning up.

As for tonight...Steve stopped and got me a coffee after Jane's soccer practice...I wanted it to keep me from falling asleep so early...I don't need over 8 hours of sleep every night...I need to feel like I'm not a huge failure in accomplishing the things I really feel passionate about, and in order to find time for those things, I need to create time for them.  And like in November I've found that, for now, the only time I can spare are these hours past 9 when everyone in my house (including me if I didn't have coffee) is ready for bed.  So hopefully after I finish up this rambling about nothing important, I can muster up my motivation and creativity and finish this short story before the end of March.

Wish me luck!

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