Monday, April 4, 2016

Anti-All-Natural Parenting Post

Just when I think I'm finally getting my health on track, literally tracking all the calories I eat and burn...trying to moderate my diet, I stumble upon information that tells me everything I'm doing is wrong.  It was a podcast about thyroid disease and how anyone with thyroid issues should never restrict calories to lose weight.  They should just eliminate all chemicals in their hair products, eat all natural everything with no gluten/dairy/sugar/flavor, and get a filter to eliminate fluoride from their drinking water (among about 2 dozen other radical suggestions).

Well damn.  This podcast was on a website that offers a wealth of healthy tips for families (moms in particular).  I'm not going to specifically name the website because I'm sure it's helpful for those perfect parents out there so I don't want to offend anyone because I'm about to spend the next several paragraphs pointing out some things I think are just plain bullshit about sites like this.

Okay, so here's MY issue...there's NO WAY I'm ever going to do EVERYTHING these natural, clean, eco-friendly, organic, completely chemical-free, super-humans swear by.  Who the hell could? And they make it look so easy...their websites always offering helpful "quick meals"...for instance, this specific site I was looking at gave a recipe for some kind of weird way of preparing their coffee..they claimed it would take 3 minutes total but there's NO WAY (I'm really getting worked up...two NO WAY's in one post).  For one thing, it takes me more than 3 minutes to make a regular pot of coffee and this woman was whipping coffee in a blender with coconut oil and something else that sounded gross...oh, some weird kind of butter...but it was some kind of all natural butter that would be impossible to find unless you A.) own a cow and feed it organic grass grown in organic soil under organic sunlight or B.) can spend $100 on butter.

These sites seem to suggest that you aren't a good mother/parent if you aren't feeding your family only all-natural, clean, non-gluten, free from added sugar diets...or if you aren't making your own shampoo/lotion/cloth diapers with a needle and thread by candlelight after your sweet angels have drifted off to sleep.  I'm freaking thrilled if I've managed to bathe my children 3 times in one week or made them green smoothies 3-4 times a week...they like my smoothies because I mask the spinach flavor with tons of fruit and about a cup of apple juice.  Otherwise I will give them chips if it means getting some calories into their stubborn mouths.

So I browsed through this website, sort of in a masochistic way...reading more and more ways that I'm screwing up not only my own health, but the health of my daughters...and probably my dog.  It reminded me that I'm failing at at least a dozen other teeth are probably riddled with cavities (I haven't gotten a new dentist and I HATE going to the dentist so I put it off as long as possible..)...I'm sure I'm ruining the environment in a million different ways...I don't read often enough to my kids...I let them have too much screen time...I drink too much wine...I don't do enough yoga...I don't meditate enough...I never cut my kids' toenails. At least I actually exercise.  And at least I tell my kids that sugar is bad (after I've given them candy and say no more for the day because too much isn't good for you).

I guess the moral of this post is do what you can? Or whatever? I don't really think I have a moral to this post..I just wanted to bitch about these websites so I wouldn't feel so bad about my own failings and shortcomings.  I am not perfect.  My kids are not perfect (yes they are).  I tell them about food and vitamins so hopefully they can one day make healthier decisions for themselves.  Maybe this year I'll even grow a garden (this seems very idealistic to me now that the weather is getting better and I really can start growing a garden).

Really..I'm probably just jealous of these people that can find the time and energy to live completely clean, organic, natural lives AND maintain a website/blog/podcast (or all three) documenting their amazingness so other, less awesome people, can stumble through some sad attempt at being a good mom.

Okay, the cynic in me will go to bed now.

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