My Life

It's past my bedtime but I wanted to soak up this night off from all the things that have been on my mind lately.  I am 32 years old and I have realized tonight that this is probably the craziest my life has ever been and will ever be (including this chunk of time where my children are children, until they're adults and are living independently of me).  When I was in college, I thought I was busy.  I was, definitely, for a decent part of that time in my life.  There was a time when I had three jobs and still managed to take classes and do well in them.  That was still not as much as I feel like I have on my plate now.  I don't mean to sound like a complainer.  I'm just trying to come to terms with where my life stands right now, and where I hope it'll be in the future.

Take today...I got up (late...7:10am) and got my kids dressed and ready for school.  Threw a couple of meats from the freezer to the fridge to thaw for dinners the next couple of days...made myself coffee and toast.  Begged my 5 year old to get dressed.  Dressed my almost 2 year old.  Begged my 5 year old to get dressed again.  Turned off TV and finally accomplished 5 year old getting dressed.  Took kids to daycare (2 year old seemed fine at the time, ominous, I know).  Came back home and worked a little, then went for a short run with the dog.  Got in the car and went to work.  Spent three(ish) blissful hours at work with actual adults and sat through part of a staff meeting when my phone rang and a very nice woman at my daycare informed me that my almost 2 year old had a 101.3 degree fever and could I please take her home at my earliest possible ..right now.  So I made a rare announcement to my coworkers that I had to leave and basically rushed out of there.  I'm a terrible mother because I stopped for wine on the way to get my sick daughter.  It was on the evening agenda (I'm sorry Abby).

Called several times until I finally got a nurse to agree to let her come in to the health center on base to rule out ear or throat issue that could possibly need antibiotics.  Tomorrow's a holiday and taking both of my children to urgent care in the Fall sounded much worse than badgering my pediatrician to fit her in for a quick check up.

No ear infection, no throat issues.  Probably just a yucky virus.  So then we go to the store, because we're almost out of milk.  I end up putting way too much in my basket before I remember I walked to the store from the doctor's office and now have to lug all the groceries back to the car without the cart.  I buy two grocery bags (the sturdy ones with handles) to help me out.  Back to the daycare to get second child.  Then back home.  Children play in the house for about a half an hour while I recuperate (sit) for 30 minutes on my phone, mindlessly scrolling through my facebook feed.  We all get up and get dressed (with blankets and all...it's finally Fall in Arizona!!) for a walk with Ike.  Half of the walk is relaxing and half of the walk entails of me yelling at Jane to sit still and stop turning in her seat when her blanket keeps getting caught on the ground, yelling at Ike to stop yanking us in random directions for no apparent reason, and talking to Jane about things that don't make much sense (she's pretty adorable but when you're trying to zone out, her jabbering on about how funny it'd be if stroller was a real ship floating in the water is just distracting...I know I'll regret saying this in the future, but that's how I felt when I was in between yelling at Ike and trying to avoid getting hit by a car as I lifted her blanket off the ground for the 10th time).

We got home and I immediately started dinner.  We ate.  Then we facetimed with daddy and afterward, I sat them down on the couch for some truly enjoyable disney shorts on Netflix.  Then medicine for both (they have these heartbreakingly yucky coughs and bedtime for both girls around 7 and finally some quiet time for mommy (an episode of Gray's Anatomy...way too much halloween candy...and maybe 2ish glasses (large) of wine).

So while I was trying out some stress relieving activities (bath, book, then tea bags on my eyes), I realized this truly is the most hectic time of my life.  Regardless of how many jobs I have (although a full time job and a part time business are both intimidating without the two kids and a husband away thrown into the mix), and regardless of how much school made me crazy...there has never been a time in my life other than this that I've been this overflowing with things I have a responsibility to keep up with.

The moral to this entirely too long post is that if I could be granted one wish for myself (I have lots more that take priority that are for my children and family but if I were forced to pick one for myself), I'd wish that I could live long enough to see my children grown and happy and healthy and have a moment to spend some truly relaxing time on a regular basis to read or write or do whatever it is I feel like doing that doesn't leave me feeling like I've rotted brain cells (facebook) or stolen time from my children.  That was certainly a long-winded way to come to this conclusion, but that's the inspiration for this post.  Being a mother with a lot on her plate is totally worth it.  I just hope I have a moment in the future to have too much time on my hands.  God does that sound good right now.

A Birthday

I'm turning 32 in less than a week.  I can't lie...I sort of hate birthdays now.  It's just a reminder that I haven't accomplished many of the things I really really want to accomplish with my time.  Obviously I'm thrilled with the fact that I have a beautiful set of daughters and a happy life and a job and no real true worries.  But when I'm being selfish about the things I want to say I've done with my life, I want a few things on that list to show true accomplishments that reflect something I'm capable of with my own abilities.  The jewelry is fun and I'm proud of it but it's not cutting it.  I want to make time to finish editing one of the projects I've written and I want to be able to focus on getting one of them sold.  But there's never any time.

Everything is taking all of my time.  Two kids (love them dearly, yes, of course), work (takes way way way too much of it), jewelry, exercise (when I spare time for it)...by the time I have done everything I'm obligated to do either with work, family, jewelry, cleaning, etc. I have about an hour of free and open time to do with what I choose.  And unlike that awesome month back in November, I'm letting that hour go toward TV or mindlessly looking online.  And then, before I know it, it's time to go to bed.

I guess I could start staying up late again but I really need the sleep now that everyone in my house keeps getting sick and work is requiring more of my attention.  Seriously...just one hour...if that...per day.  That's it.  And so now I look at people without children, or the version of me before children, and I think...damn, must be nice.  Again...I'm not complaining about children at all, obviously...but maybe Abby could cry a little less when I walk out of the room to pee.  And maybe Jane could not spend an hour every night repeatedly being told to go to bed.  Then maybe the time I spend with them would be a little less stressful and the time I end up with at the end of the day would be a little more productive.

Wishful thinking.

Day 9 Parts 1 and 2

I had kind of an awesome day with the writing.  Hang on a second.  This may have been the fullest day I've had in every regard of my life, ever.  Recapping..I woke up (terrible night of sleep), made a list (detailed down to the time in which I needed to get everything done), started...
Nursed Abby
Picked out photos for Abby's spotlight board at daycare
Had breakfast and wrote for about 20 minutes
Went for a run with the dog (3.1 miles)
Took a shower
Vacuumed
Gave Abby an early lunch
Nursed Abby for her nap
Went to Barnes n Noble and wrote for an hour and a half
Went to Walmart to pick up the photos and other various items
Got home just in time for Steve to leave for work
Cleaned, mopped, put away dishes, made the spotlight board collage thing, folded clothes, got some finished jewelry sanded and fired in the kiln, nursed Abby, played with Jane, gave Jane a bath, helped Steve put away groceries he picked up on way home from work, pumped, ate dinner, nursed Abby for bedtime, finally sat down to read for fun (Unbroken...finally), half watched an episode of Homeland, then finished out the day with another 2 hours of writing.

Wow...

Part One:

 Part Two;

So now I'm going to bed.

Editing

I was talking with a friend and I've come to a decision on what I want to do with my writing.  Though it really pains me to give up on a project, I've decided to put the current book on pause and go back to edit the previous one again one more time (haha, right).

9:10 pm

I got distracted and am just now getting a chance to finish this post.  I don't feel the same enthusiasm right now for my declaration from earlier today.  I want to, but I just don't feel like I have time for any goals in writing right now.  Of course, I write this change of heart after finally finishing a day jam packed full of a gym trip, work, wrapping presents, throwing a mini birthday party for my daughter, getting a fussy baby to bed then polishing and finishing 4 keychains so I could get them in the mail tomorrow.  I'm almost falling asleep at the table as I type this.  It's only 9:20.  And I haven't even thought of packing yet even though I plan to go for a long run tomorrow night, which only leaves me with about an hour of time to get ready for a 4 day trip with two kids and myself (my husband can pack for himself, ha).

Oh well, like I said yesterday (was it yesterday?), it is what it is.  The jewelry part of my week turned out great.  I ended up getting that package yesterday, which was terrific because I was able to fire those keychains last night.  I freakin love White CopprClay by the way.  LOVE it.  I've used it to make almost a dozen keychains so far and each one turns out terrific.  It's about a third of the cost of silver clay...maybe even a sixth of the cost?  The amount of time it takes me to make things with it is the same but the fact that the product itself is so much less expensive makes it easier for me to list larger items in my shop (like the keychains) without having to charge an arm and a leg for them.  I really need to get more creative with it now that I find it so reliable (I've had a lot of issues with White Bronze, which was my first exciting venture into a cheaper silver colored metal).

I'm rambling and I'm seriously exhausted.  Time to feed the dogs and wake my husband up so he can go from the couch to the bed.

Happy Fourth Birthday to my wonderful daughter.  I can't believe how fast this time has gone....I couldn't be more proud of her.  I always tell them both, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world.

Busy, busy, busy busy busy busy...

I have presents to wrap for my daughter's 4th birthday, floors to vacuum and mop, work to do, jewelry to make, bags to pack, exercise to be had, laundry to fold, and many more things that I can't even remember at the moment.  To sum it up, I'm stressed out.  I need to do some yoga tonight.  There's a chance I won't stop doing things until Thursday morning when I finally get to sit in a car for 5 hours driving to California.  Hopefully my husband drives.

So even after writing all the things down that I have to do (and forgetting countless others), I don't really mind it.  I can't procrastinate on anything anymore, so I know that on Thursday morning, those things I have to do will all be done (I hope...unless I screw up something with the jewelry).  All I can control is what I'm able to accomplish in the limited amount of time between now and then, and if something takes longer, so be it.  I'm not losing sleep over any of it yet.

Next week, my husband goes out of town for a whole month and I'm left to manage the house, two daughters, dog, and my full time job.  Hence my urgency to get a good double-kid jogging stroller up and running.  I'm trying to consider the pros and the cons of being a single parent for four weeks.  My husband does all the cooking and dishes, so I already feel bad for my 4 year old's nutrition level for the days where I give up and offer her something I microwaved from the freezer.

Jewelry is probably the one thing on my to do list that makes me feel overwhelmed.  I am working on a larger order and waiting for a package to come that isn't expected to be delivered until tomorrow...I need that package to finish the order, so if the pieces don't fire correctly tomorrow night I'll have to remake them in haste on Wednesday and try again Wednesday night.  That will suck.

But I can't control everything.  Hopefully things will work out but it's not the end of the world if they don't, right?

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