Christmas Day...Holy Shit, Where's the Tylenol

I'm in Colorado Springs, typing this post with my awesome Christmas present (husband surprised me with a Surface 3!!!! I cried.  I've been begging for one for months and he made me believe it wasn't gonna happen...then there it was!  Love it!).  So I'm currently sitting in the basement of our new home with my whole family.  We had a very eventful couple of weeks.  I flew with the kids to Atlanta and drove to Alabama for Steve's graduation for a one night trip.  That one night turned out to be the new worst night of my life (the runner up is now the day Jane threw up on the plane and in the airport).  Jane started throwing up in the hotel around 11 p.m. She ate 11 chicken nuggets, I learned the next day.  She threw up from 11 p.m. all over the bed and floor (I was in the other bed, Abby in her pack n' play) and didn't stop until about 4:30 in the morning.  She slept through most of it, thankfully, but I didn't sleep more than a couple of hours broken up throughout the night.  Somehow, we both still managed to make it to Daddy's graduation the next morning at 8:30 a.m.

Then Jane went with Daddy to drive to CO Springs and I flew back to Arizona with Abby.  The next morning we packed up and picked up my very amazing friend from work who offered to help and keep us company for the drive to CO.  We started our drive and stopped at the Grand Canyon (GORGEOUS..breathtaking..so glad Jane wasn't with us..that thing is a death trap!).

That day was a great day...we made a lot of progress on the drive and thoroughly enjoyed the gorgeous scenery this country has to offer.  

The next day...not so much.  Husband texted me throughout the night to let me know he too had fallen ill with a stomach thing...was puking from midnight until the next morning while he was driving with Jane to CO.  So of course, I'm now mentally convinced I'll be getting sick, as well as Abby.  Then we start driving through the Rocky Mountains and that takes my mind off of anything else. 

 

The roads were snow covered for almost the first 2 hours of our drive that day.  It took us an extra 2 hours at least to get to Denver and we barely made it in time for her to have enough time through security to make her flight.  She's always calm and cool though, which made it a lot easier for me.  And now I know my van doesn't suck too bad in the snow, so that's good, I guess.

So now we're here, with a million more boxes to unpack, but we're able to breathe again.  I'm so glad the past few months are over...

Time for another beer...bedtime is soon for the kids, and even though we showed up at this house two days ago, we're still watching the kids play with their Christmas presents and eating Christmas cookies in our home.  I love the house, by the way.  Can't wait to spend some real time here and get truly settled in, but it's a damn good start so far.  

Merry Christmas!

Work, work, and more work

Tomorrow is the first day of probably the busiest work week for me of all time.  Everyone at my job has been building up for it for months so I'm actually glad it's finally here, it means it's that much closer to being over.  Over the course of 3 days I think I'll be working over 35 hours.  The following Monday will supposedly only consist of unloading vehicles at the office and then us being able to go back home.  I plan to ask for the following Tuesday off as well.  I'm tired just thinking about next weekend.

Spending time doing things other than work, like running, reading my book, reading in general, and writing here are probably the only ways I'll be able to keep from getting overly stressed, even when it's hard to think about anything but work.  Unfortunately, even now on a Sunday evening with two full days of nothing but family and decompress time, I'm too exhausted to stay awake.  I feel like it should be closer to midnight rather than a little after 10.

One week from this moment and it'll be all over...good or bad, the event will have come and gone.  Just a week from now.  And hey, all the lifting and jumping up on a truck will be great exercise.  I need a good workout.

Time to stop trying to fight it, I need to go to bed.  Happy March (best month of the year!)

Ear Infection

I've been feeling so unmotivated the past few days.  My newly turned one-year-old, who is currently crying again in her bedroom, is probably the culprit.  I've done everything...just short of dressing up like a princess from a Disney movie and taking singing lessons to provide her with more soothing lullabies...to try to calm her down over past few days.  I didn't find out until today that she has an ear infection.  The cough, runny nose and fever all eluded me into believing she just had a bad cold but when the symptoms were almost all gone and the crankiness worsened today, I finally took her to the doctor.  She's had two doses of antibiotics, so I hope she'll feel better by the morning, considering her body has never been exposed to the beauty of modern medicine and its ability to attack all that bad (and good) bacteria.  It hasn't had a chance yet to build up a resistance.

Knock...on...wood...but she seems to have fallen back to sleep (knock on wood).

So I want to want to read and write, but I just don't want to.  And all I want to do is watch Gilmore Girls and go to bed.  I'm not sick, but the fact that I haven't had a full night's sleep since Sunday...Saturday? I don't even remember...it's just a real motivation killer.  I don't even have the motivation to finish this blog post.

At least there's a national holiday coming up.  I sure hope the motivation comes back for that.

Oh damn...she's crying again.  This is the worst.

Day 12

Really really really tired...

Got up at 3:45 this morning...let my house at 4:30 to drive to the airport.  Flew to Los Angeles for a training in Donor Perfect Online for work...then flew back to Phoenix and got home at 9 this evening.  Bad parts...I had to bring a breast pump and pump in the trainer's hotel room (awkward, right?), had to be away from the family all day (couldn't nurse Abby this morning and made her stay up late so I could nurse her to sleep tonight), plus getting to flights on time and all that stuff stresses me out.  But I had some time to write while waiting for flights and sitting on planes.  So that's good.  And now I'm going to bed.

Day 5

Slow and steady...

Rough 24 Hours

I went to bed last night at 9:30 so I could get a good amount of sleep before waking up at 4 AM for work.  Unfortunately, I never slept.  It started as that annoying mind-racing issue, then continued to spin out of control to the point where I was laying on the couch at 2 AM reading, hoping to tire myself out for an hour or two of sleep.  I gave up at 3 AM and drove to the zoo since I heard some people might actually be getting there at 4.  I figured if they didn't get there until 5, I'd just resume my pathetic attempt for extra sleep in the car in the parking lot.  They got there at 4, so I was able to help out and worked until our event ended at 11.  After lunch, I was able to finally get a couple hours of sleep, only to be terrifyingly jolted awake by the fire alarm in our house going off.  Husband baked pizza in the oven and claimed that it melted and burned.  If you ask me, the universe just doesn't want me to sleep.

Time to go backup my iPhone and save my photos so I can switch to the Note.  Exciting stuff!  Bed early tonight due to last night's fiasco, then I'll try staying up a little later tomorrow night to prepare for my upcoming writing schedule.

I ran last night outside with the dog for a quick 5K.  He was exhausted at the end...needed the exercise for sure!

Today

I took my 9 month old for her checkup this morning and told the PA that she has been tilting her head to the side for a few weeks and during the checkup she said she was fine, perfect baby, no worries.  Then about three hours later I got a call that she wants her to have a CT Scan.  She wants to make sure there's nothing major causing the head tilt.  She isn't worried but now I am.  It's probably nothing but how can I not worry now?  It's extremely obvious and a constant thing, she tilts to her left whenever she's sitting upright.  So my lovely, adorable and extremely mild tempered baby girl will have to go through this weird test...is it the one where they put her through the brain scan thing?  And it's not the first time she's had to have a test to see if she has a rare issue.  When they did her newborn screening she was flagged for CF and had to have a sweat test.  One of those moments where I cried for hours worrying she'd have a diagnosis that could give her a shortened life expectancy.  Ruling out these possible scenarios like a brain mass or a disorder that can affect her quality of life is wearing on me.  My beautiful little girl, she's fine, I know, and this will probably turn out to be nothing but I hate being this close to wondering if something terrible could happen.

So my husband gets back tomorrow.  Finally!  It's been tough, being a single parent of two kids...props to the parents that have this lifestyle on a regular basis.  Strongest people ever.

And I'm exhausted.  It's bedtime.  Big work event coming up.  So tired.

Retail Therapy

I went over the deep end after my disappointing morning and weekend.  I had some jewelry I needed to work on but ended up feeling sorry for myself to the point of lying on the couch during my daughters' nap and then permitting myself to two of my vices...procrastinating and shopping.  When the girls woke up we headed out to Best Buy in Arrowhead where I purchased a Zagg universal keyboard for my Asus VivoTab Note 8.  I really like it.  It makes my tiny tablet into a tiny laptop.  So even though I feel lazy and gluttonous and irresponsible for the things I didn't do today, I feel better than I did this morning.  I think if I had done everything I should have done today (jewelry, folding clothes, staying home) I think I'd feel pretty crappy right now.  Instead I feel like I reset my attitude.  Definitely not the healthiest coping skill, but I'm going to bed now and I'm not feeling like I regret the way I spent my day...and that's not bad, is it?

That's Enough of That

Eight hours...that's how much sick/vacation time I have left, thanks to the sickness that has swept through this house last week and this week.  To be fair, I only had twenty-two hours left beforehand, but it pisses me off that I'm so low on time.  We get the week off between Christmas and New Year's, and if we ever work on the weekends, we get flex time, but I don't like getting so low on time off (I need to change the subject now or I'm going to go on and on about how angry it makes me that the United States has no standardized maternity leave...it's not MY fault that I'm among the gender that must procreate to continue our species...why the fuck do I have to use all of MY sick/vacation time to stay home and care for my infant while I heal?  Fucking bullshit).

So yea...and there's still a real possibility that I won't be able to go in tomorrow either.  Today was the first real day that my older daughter had this bug and she went to bed feeling really yucky.  My younger one woke up with a cool forehead, thankfully, but I don't want to hold my breath expecting the same of my four year old tomorrow.

Okay, so some of the things I've been wanting to write about...first...

Two days ago I was taking a walk (right before knowing how sick my baby was) and (for completely unrelated reasons) felt all levels of anxiety for the whole walk.  I even talked to my four year old about it.  She told me it makes her worry that I'll yell at her (I reminded her that she won't get yelled at if she behaves) and I told her some of the things that make me worry...she and her sister being sick (irony? I can never remember what things are truly ironic and what things just make me want to label them as such), work, jewelry, my teeth (seriously).  She listened surprisingly well but I still felt that mix of anxiety preventing me from relaxing, which is something I usually have no trouble doing on a walk.  Just as I was walking down the last block before our street, I noticed a post-it taped to a lamp pole.  It said 'Be the goddess that's inside of you'.  It threw me off guard.  For one, it rained the night before...a lot...to the point where there was enough water in some of the grassy areas that kids were swimming in it.  Wouldn't the post it be ruined?  I kept walking, thinking about how odd it was but not really internalizing it (I mean, really, the goddess?).  Then I saw:

I saw that and it actually crossed my mind that some future form of me went back in time to leave me that post-it on that exact pole so I could see it when I was feeling so full of worry.  And now, after two days of sick kids (while I myself am not fully recuperated), I realize how much that post-it saved me from going into these days feeling the way I did on that walk.  Instead, I started feeling better...and I kept those words in mind during these past two days (well, maybe not last night when my 8 month old was drooling and screaming and crying and I was crying as I processed the fact that my 4 year old was also sick and I'd have to stay home with them both today, but that was just a rough moment, they happen, whatever).  

So I've survived, and so have my girls.  And we're coming out the other end, finally.  And I still have a job (I think).  And hopefully I can go to it tomorrow, because I really, really, really need to get out of this house.  

The other thing I wanted to write about tonight can wait for another time.  I started listening to a short self-help audiobook about writing (Write Every Day) and I'm really liking it.  But yea, another time.

I'm having trouble adjusting to the fact that I don't need to be doing something at this exact moment.  No crying baby, no medicine to give, no clothes to fold (it took me 2 days to fold 3 loads), I can just sit here...or get up to pee if I want to.  So...I guess..I'll go watch TV now?

Good night.

Editing

I was talking with a friend and I've come to a decision on what I want to do with my writing.  Though it really pains me to give up on a project, I've decided to put the current book on pause and go back to edit the previous one again one more time (haha, right).

9:10 pm

I got distracted and am just now getting a chance to finish this post.  I don't feel the same enthusiasm right now for my declaration from earlier today.  I want to, but I just don't feel like I have time for any goals in writing right now.  Of course, I write this change of heart after finally finishing a day jam packed full of a gym trip, work, wrapping presents, throwing a mini birthday party for my daughter, getting a fussy baby to bed then polishing and finishing 4 keychains so I could get them in the mail tomorrow.  I'm almost falling asleep at the table as I type this.  It's only 9:20.  And I haven't even thought of packing yet even though I plan to go for a long run tomorrow night, which only leaves me with about an hour of time to get ready for a 4 day trip with two kids and myself (my husband can pack for himself, ha).

Oh well, like I said yesterday (was it yesterday?), it is what it is.  The jewelry part of my week turned out great.  I ended up getting that package yesterday, which was terrific because I was able to fire those keychains last night.  I freakin love White CopprClay by the way.  LOVE it.  I've used it to make almost a dozen keychains so far and each one turns out terrific.  It's about a third of the cost of silver clay...maybe even a sixth of the cost?  The amount of time it takes me to make things with it is the same but the fact that the product itself is so much less expensive makes it easier for me to list larger items in my shop (like the keychains) without having to charge an arm and a leg for them.  I really need to get more creative with it now that I find it so reliable (I've had a lot of issues with White Bronze, which was my first exciting venture into a cheaper silver colored metal).

I'm rambling and I'm seriously exhausted.  Time to feed the dogs and wake my husband up so he can go from the couch to the bed.

Happy Fourth Birthday to my wonderful daughter.  I can't believe how fast this time has gone....I couldn't be more proud of her.  I always tell them both, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world.