A Birthday

I'm turning 32 in less than a week.  I can't lie...I sort of hate birthdays now.  It's just a reminder that I haven't accomplished many of the things I really really want to accomplish with my time.  Obviously I'm thrilled with the fact that I have a beautiful set of daughters and a happy life and a job and no real true worries.  But when I'm being selfish about the things I want to say I've done with my life, I want a few things on that list to show true accomplishments that reflect something I'm capable of with my own abilities.  The jewelry is fun and I'm proud of it but it's not cutting it.  I want to make time to finish editing one of the projects I've written and I want to be able to focus on getting one of them sold.  But there's never any time.

Everything is taking all of my time.  Two kids (love them dearly, yes, of course), work (takes way way way too much of it), jewelry, exercise (when I spare time for it)...by the time I have done everything I'm obligated to do either with work, family, jewelry, cleaning, etc. I have about an hour of free and open time to do with what I choose.  And unlike that awesome month back in November, I'm letting that hour go toward TV or mindlessly looking online.  And then, before I know it, it's time to go to bed.

I guess I could start staying up late again but I really need the sleep now that everyone in my house keeps getting sick and work is requiring more of my attention.  Seriously...just one hour...if that...per day.  That's it.  And so now I look at people without children, or the version of me before children, and I think...damn, must be nice.  Again...I'm not complaining about children at all, obviously...but maybe Abby could cry a little less when I walk out of the room to pee.  And maybe Jane could not spend an hour every night repeatedly being told to go to bed.  Then maybe the time I spend with them would be a little less stressful and the time I end up with at the end of the day would be a little more productive.

Wishful thinking.

Everybody's sick again and other topics

Abby has another fever.  Poor kiddo.  This time I really think it's the flu.  I'm going to call in the morning to let them know and hope they can give her tamiflu or whatever that antiviral medicine is called.  The other girly is also showing symptoms, but I'm pretty sure she'd have to be on the verge of pneumonia before she'd slow down enough for me to check her temperature or worry about her.  The younger one is much more cuddly and sensitive.  Crazy how different they can end up even when you're using the same ingredients.

So the short story of January never happened.  I've regretted it several times this week.  I keep wondering if I should guilt myself into writing one and guilt myself into using the remainder of this shortest month of the year to try publishing it.  Not gonna happen, I can already tell.  I'm not even teetering toward taking it seriously this time around.  I do still want to use March for a writing month and get back on track with that.  I have been rereading my first project though...and I'm about halfway through...taking notes on it and everything.  I stopped tracking what I'm doing with writing related activities though, which I also regret.  I should do that tonight.  I will.  It's only February for crying out loud.

I have sort of started running more regularly (marginally).  I have definitely started reading to my older daughter pretty regularly.  We're almost done with the first Ramona book and I'm really enjoying the new tradition. I haven't done yoga once (or maybe I have...once?).

All in all...I'm feeling pretty good about the new year.  I have an awesome thing regarding jewelry that will take up at least a paragraph.

---Intermission...the video to 'Take Me to Church' is probably the most depressing thing I've ever seen.---

So a friend I work with was wearing this bangle bracelet about a month ago that had a few cool little charms on it...looked really nice...made me instantly create my own version of it in my mind (this happens often...I have a jewelry shop, so I can't really help it).  Then, over the past few weeks, I've spent almost every day building a whole new line of jewelry for my shop.  I honestly just discovered about two days ago that there's already a popular line of bangles with charms (Alex and Ani...I confirmed that my friend's is also this version on Friday).  I'm still going with my version though because I'm doing a few things differently.  For one thing, I'm relaunching the My Life charms I spent so much time and energy on a couple of years ago.  They're the stick figure charms I designed and drew and turned into stamps, which I then pressed into metal clay and fired in my kiln and polished up all from scratch:

I'm also going to use shaped metal pieces (from white copper) to create the clasp for the bangle...which is quite a bit different from the other line of bracelets.  The reason for my clasp is so the charms can be interchangeable.

So far, I've spent several nights making every astrology sign, all the 'My Life' charms again, hours of research on ways to speed up the processing time (I got a rock tumbler and everything) and I've even revamped old listings for the new bangle line...now I'm just waiting on the stainless steel wire to make the actual bracelets so I can photograph them for the listings.  I'm pretty ticked at both suppliers I've ordered it from...neither have shipped it yet and both have promised early shipment.  Gr...I mean...if you're going to promise something to a customer on Etsy of all places, you fucking honor that promise.  

Honestly though, the new bangle bracelets have me all tingly with that creative excitement.  I feel really confident that this will do well...I just hope a whole bunch of strangers who come across them while they're shopping for mother's day presents agree.  At least it's giving me a chance to try my luck at the My Life brand again.  I plan to pay for some social media advertising and I hope the fact that I'm making everything with a more affordable material helps make them more accessible for people.  I have a feeling people liked the silver ones (they got great feedback on Facebook) but the price was just too steep.  These bracelets will start at $30 and will come with 2 charms...then each additional will be $5.  This is all subject to change.  

So that's my news for today.  I'm excited.  It's all I can think about.  

(oh hey, if you're reading this and want to see more jewelry...click here: CarmellasJewelry)

Ear Infection

I've been feeling so unmotivated the past few days.  My newly turned one-year-old, who is currently crying again in her bedroom, is probably the culprit.  I've done everything...just short of dressing up like a princess from a Disney movie and taking singing lessons to provide her with more soothing lullabies...to try to calm her down over past few days.  I didn't find out until today that she has an ear infection.  The cough, runny nose and fever all eluded me into believing she just had a bad cold but when the symptoms were almost all gone and the crankiness worsened today, I finally took her to the doctor.  She's had two doses of antibiotics, so I hope she'll feel better by the morning, considering her body has never been exposed to the beauty of modern medicine and its ability to attack all that bad (and good) bacteria.  It hasn't had a chance yet to build up a resistance.

Knock...on...wood...but she seems to have fallen back to sleep (knock on wood).

So I want to want to read and write, but I just don't want to.  And all I want to do is watch Gilmore Girls and go to bed.  I'm not sick, but the fact that I haven't had a full night's sleep since Sunday...Saturday? I don't even remember...it's just a real motivation killer.  I don't even have the motivation to finish this blog post.

At least there's a national holiday coming up.  I sure hope the motivation comes back for that.

Oh damn...she's crying again.  This is the worst.

How I Loathe the End of a Weekend

There is so much going on at my job right now that even the shimmer of a glimpse of the workload has me holding my breath and feeling the panic rise.  Then I back away from the glimpse and remember to take it all one day at a time and I feel better.  Even writing those sentences was a little scary.  I'm losing sleep over it, which is annoying.

In the writing area of my life, I couldn't be happier.  If only I had more time, that is.  I've got a dozen writing goals and aspirations laid out in front of me and I'm thoroughly enjoying the idea of picking and choosing which of these enjoyable tasks I'd like to tackle each day and night.  I'm rereading the manuscript I finished for NaNoWriMo and tonight I got through an exceptionally well written chapter (obviously, this is my opinion, which could be complete crap along with the writing quality, but I've read a lot of books and I personally feel as though it has a lot of potential).  So my mood in the writing area of my life is very positive at the moment.

Unfortunately, my family life is on the verge of some kind of virus or bug.  My poor birthday girl (who turned one yesterday!  Can't get over the 'last year at this time' moments I've been having the past week) is sick.  She had a pretty yucky fever and was coughing a lot this evening, and I have a bad feeling that this is only the brink of the thing.  And who knows if the rest of us are doomed.  They say the flu vaccine is only 50% effective this year.  I sure hope that little girl feels better soon. It sucks to be a worrying mom...the shimmers of glimpses of worst case scenarios when my kids are sick or hurt give me shudders.

So I ran 4 miles today...I wanted to do more but my body wouldn't let me (I lie...it was really my brain convincing me that my body was the culprit).  Then tonight I did about 20 minutes worth of yoga.  Not much, but I feel much less achy, so it's a win.

Now on to some kind of writing?  Maybe not...I'm so exhausted.  If there is a bug in my system, brewing until its incubation period is all good and gone, I'm going to appreciate myself more if I got a good night sleep tonight.

So never mind, writing part of my day (I'm so sorry).  Good night.

Back to the Grind

I'm so sad that the long and much needed break from work has ended.  I worked from home today, but it was one of those days where I work nonstop and don't eat lunch until 2.  It sucked.  I'm already exhausted and I haven't even gone into the office yet.  If I think too much about work, I start getting stressed out and I can literally feel my blood pressure rising.  That sucks too.  So I'm going to stop here with talking about work and move on to all the things I have going on in my personal life.

I started a shortened version of the Whole30 today.  Only 7 days this time around.  I had to have gained at least 7 pounds over the holidays...and it's not the weight I care about (not really)...it's the fact that for the past several weeks, my diet has consisted of sugar, salt and alcohol.  So I'm hoping to get back on track.

Shockingly, I did all the things I wanted to last night.  Tonight is going to be tougher, I've had a super productive day and these types of days usually end in the kind of nights where I make an effort not to do anything else.

And the last topic of the night..I've started reading to my 4 year old before bed again...but we're trying big girl books this time.  She received the Ramona series from my sister for Christmas and we're well on our way to finishing the first one.  She half loves the experience and half hates it.  I hope it swings more permanently to the love half soon.

Evernote anyone?

I was wasting time yesterday on my phone and followed a link on Facebook to an article about the best apps for writers (I tried to find it to link it here and it's no where to be found...sorry).  The first four listed weren't even available for the Android system (whatever...I didn't like them anyway) but the fifth one was Evernote.  I've used Evernote before, I've even synced old notebooks with it, but it was never productive for me.  I didn't like that I couldn't add handwritten notes with the iPhone (and with the iPad I had to use Penultimate).  Then I completely abandoned most Apple products and shifted over to Windows and Android.  So yesterday when I was reading the rave review about Evernote, I decided to give it a try again.

After one good look, I was hooked.  I migrated everything from OneNote (sorry Microsoft) and downloaded the apps on every device I have (I do share a Mac with my husband, but I'm all about portability, so I barely use it...I also downloaded it on this Asus VivoTab Note 8 tablet and my work computer...a crappy Lenovo laptop...and on my Galaxy Note 4, with which I have a love/hate relationship).  I've been using it nonstop since.

The things I like about it:
-I can use a handwriting feature with my digitizer pens on the tablet and phone
-It syncs quickly and reliably
-There are so many ways I can take a note (audio, speech to text, photo, pdf import, typed, handwritten, web articles)
-The tags/stacks/organization of it
-The reminders
-The fact that it emails reminders (haven't figured this one out yet)
-The Android widget
-The Chrome integration (haven't used much yet)

The things I wish it did (I know, I'm being greedy, but a little constructive criticism never hurt anyone, right?)
-I wish the handwriting thing between the phone and windows application worked more cohesively (I don't think it does...but I haven't really tried too hard)
-I wish it let me see just certain tags in the Android version...it might do this too, but I haven't figured it out yet...wait, update..it literally took me two seconds to figure this out...dumb me...just go to the main homepage in the app and select 'tags' instead of notebooks.  Whooopsy.
-I for some reason can't title a handwritten note in the android app until after I finish and save the note.  That's annoying.

I really, really love Evernote.  

Tonight, I plan to take get my baby in bed, take my dog for a walk, take a bath (during which I'll read for fun), then start my first short story of the year.  Let's see if I accomplish all of this considering it's already 7:30.

Happy New Year! 2015 is going to be good.

I'm feeling all sorts of positive lately.  NaNoWriMo really has to get the credit.  I've always wanted to dedicate time to writing so for the three decades or so of my life that I wasn't writing consistently, I always had a vague regretful feeling on a day to day basis.  Like I was always neglecting some very necessary task.  But for the past two months, I've been able to sit back and relax, knowing that I've been diligently working on my second book and looking forward to all the possibilities that come with this new writing lifestyle.

So now every other task in my life is done with a more positive attitude.  Going for a 4 mile run today, playing with my daughters, watching a movie with my husband, online window shopping for a new tablet (that's sort of a disgusting obsession, but whatever), watching episodes endlessly on Netflix, cleaning, all done with a brighter smile on my face.  Because even if I suck, even if I'm writing things that will never be read by anyone other than me and the very sweet friends and family that offer (I should probably get them presents), at least it's fulfilling and it's something I feel passionately about.

So here's to the New Year and the possibilities that come along with it.  I plan to get started on my first short story sometime today.

I currently want the HP Stream 7...by the way...because it's only $99 and has full Windows.  It's a disgusting obsession that deserves that description twice in one blog post, but I can't get enough of these handy portable devices.

Oh, and I really want the Fitbit Surge.  That's something that will really happen, sometime soon, I hope.  It measures heart rate 24 hours, even during exercise, it has GPS, measures distance all day, comes from one of the best current fitness companies, even gives messages (I just reread that and thought I wrote 'massages', which would certainly make it the best-selling device of any kind of all time).

So in my defense, I didn't get much of anything for Christmas (a shower radio after the old one broke...okay, okay, so it's also a bluetooth speaker, but it was cheap).

Now that I've gotten everything off my mind, I'll go back to watching Gilmore Girls and deciding how to plan out my first story of the year.  Two more days off of work....this break sure is going fast.