I'm Here for a Confession

Three days in a row...three really good days.  I woke up yesterday, weighed myself, discovered I'd dropped 3 pounds (I know it wasn't all true weight loss from just 3 good days of a modest deficit in calories, but I felt less bloated and fit better in my clothes) and my day went along as usual...just as good as the previous 3 days. Ate salad for lunch, went for a great run, did a little lifting, had a banana with peanut butter for my after workout snack...the day was going great.

Then I took my daughter to get chapstick at the Base Exchange (BX..found on most military bases..basically like a mini walmart for military members but tax free and sells a wide range of things, including wine) ......

I figured, why not have a glass or two of wine? I could fit it in my calorie amounts and I'd be fine. I think you know where I'm going with this. 

I indulged....on everything I could get my hands on. Ate some tortilla chips with some cheese dip, then 2 packs of fruit snacks (sorry kids!), then finished off the last serving in a box of cheese nips.  Drank way too much wine, and in the span of 3 hours I officially succeeded in disappointing myself.  I even binge watched Bones (I missed a bunch of the last episodes of this summer...didn't realize it was still on).

So even though I'm struggling to get back on good terms with myself this morning, I'm back on the wagon...trying to dust myself off and get back in a good mindset.  

It was like the combination of wanting to watch TV, having a fresh bottle of wine, giving myself a little slack on the rules, and seeing that progress I'd made in the morning resulted in a very reckless mindset.

Whenever I drink too much wine, I wake up in the middle of the night with barely any hope of falling back to sleep. I was up for the better part of 2 hours between 3:45 and 6:30 ...the whole time just regretting last night.  Ughhh food and wine...why do you have to be so incredibly desirable??? I get now why people say they "cheat on a diet".  I feel like the idea of wine and snacks just seduced me right out of all these good intentions I've had.  

But the beauty of fucking up for one night is that it's just one night...today is a new day.  And despite the crappy night of sleep, I still see myself going for a 3-4 mile run and staying within my calorie goals and definitely NOT drinking any wine tonight (or maybe ever again, haha).  And now I've learned my lesson...when I'm restricting myself and decide to indulge a little, I need to remember that a little means a little...and that I will be very pissed at myself if I ever let myself lose all willpower like I did last night.  

It's Fall

I really love this time of year, mostly because of the weather, but also because of all the new seasons  of television.  That's kind of depressing, but I love stories and characters and fiction and drama (and books and writing and plot and conflict and on and on).  So I love lots of shows.  I've watched many full series of shows.  Whatever.  So tonight I caught up on Bones and Grey's Anatomy...cried through both, annoying.  And I have no one to talk to about either show.  So here I am, writing about my guilty pleasures and leaving evidence of them available to anyone.

They were good shows.  Both are bringing on new characters to replace old ones and both are spending unusual amounts of time focusing on said new characters, but I'm not unhappy with either situation.  Both characters that are gone from the shows were among my favorites, but the ones being introduced are fresh and fun and interesting, so I'm tolerating the changes with unexpected enthusiasm.  Anyway, I'm glad to have an outlet to share these opinions on a lonely Friday evening.

Might run to the post office tomorrow.  I still can't get past my hypochondriac paranoia that the hand me down to hand me down to me stroller with some gross looking (black in color) mold dried on the seats was a possible culprit of the illness that swept through my house this week.  But that's honestly crazy.  The thing has been washed and sanitized over 2 times and nothing is growing or spreading or looking anything other than harmless dirt, so it's paranoia, I'm 99.999999% sure.  So I need to just suck it up and put my daughters in the stroller for the 45 minute round trip run to the post office tomorrow morning and enjoy the beautiful cooler Arizona weather.  I'm not a crazy person.  I don't think.

It's time for bed.  10:30.  On Friday night.  But this is how I "sleep in"...because if I go to be now, waking up at 6:30 (if I'm lucky) will feel like I've overslept.

Good night!