Hiking, Nora Roberts, Being Sick, Missing an Awesome Event

I'm stuck in Colorado Springs this weekend when all of my favorite non-immediate family people are working at the most physically exhausting but amazing fundraiser of the year for the organization I work for.  I'm so sad I'm not there in Phoenix with them...the days are long and, like I said, exhausting, but I still would give anything to be working there this weekend.

In truth, it's still probably good I'm not there, considering last night at this time I was sporting a 101.5 degree fever and felt like death.  After 9 hours of sleep and some heavy doses of ibuprofen, I felt almost back to normal again today.  So during the girls' nap time I packed the dog in the car and, after a short detour to return some library books, I drove him up to Palmer Park where we spent the most lovely hour hiking/jogging/walking through the trails, just exploring the bike paths and enjoying the outdoors.  It was so awesome.

I even found an unread Nora Roberts book in my Audible library this morning so I got to listen to that on the hike.  It was like finding a $20 bill in an old jacket pocket.  So excited to have 15 hours worth of unexpected entertainment.  I felt really good, other than a slightly sore throat and a stuffy nose, so I figured I'm mostly cured of this flu-like infection.  Then I went to the grocery store with the fam and felt all the worst symptoms come back strong.  Super sore throat, aches, chills, fever-like symptoms.  I took more ibuprofen, which kicked in quickly, and I made my garlic/honey tonic and have been taking spoonfuls of that since noticing some white patches at the back of my throat.  I don't think it's strep, I think I have a tonsil problem...like I just get infected tonsils every time I catch a bug.  Sucks.

Now I'm home watching Creed with the husband and trying to drown out the noises coming from both my kids' respective devices.  

Also, I ordered myself a Kindle Fire with an Amazon gift card I got from my in-laws.  I'm super excited...it's supposed to arrive tomorrow (yes, a Sunday, weird right?).  I certainly don't need anymore tablets, but I LOVE them and when a gift card literally covers the full cost of one, I'm not going to pass it up.  I don't need anything else on Amazon at the moment.  And I like spending birthday money on wants rather than needs.

We're supposed to have good weather again tomorrow and now I'm addicted to Palmer Park, so me and Ike are heading there again.  I kind of can't wait.

I really really really wish I were in Phoenix though.

In a Rut

I was doing fine...staying up late and writing and/or editing nightly for over a week...then I had some recurrent shingles pain so I took a pain medication and the next day felt like I was afflicted with vertigo or something.  I felt nauseous and like my brain was swimming around in some kind of thick liquid, like I couldn't think clearly and felt swollen and noises echoed and I was dizzy and I had motion sickness all at once.  It was the worst kind of feeling, and it lasted into the next day so I took two nights away from staying up and dedicating time.  Then, worse, a negativity and insecurity settled in and I haven't been able to shake it since.  The questioning of myself, but worse this time, than normal.  The idea that I could ever write something like a readable, publishable, full-length novel...it's ridiculous.  It's like winning the lottery...so unlikely and so out of my reach.  What was I ever thinking?  All the work I've put in up to this point and for what?  Two books that I've already reread dozens of times and have never once thought "I think this is close"...I've never felt like my work has been anywhere near the realm of truly publishable.  It all feels a million miles away...a million hours of work away.  A million re-writes, a million re-reads...it's never going to happen.  Give up. Give up. Give up.  That's where I'm at so I have been avoiding it.

In other news, I'm flying to Phoenix on Wednesday for work and I couldn't be more excited.  To finally be the one to leave for a work commitment.  Makes me feel so much more than just a mother and wife...for once.  I mean, working itself is one thing, but flying to work is so much more legit...right? I also can't wait to see my co-workers...who(m?) I love.  I miss them so much.  I see them sometimes on Skype for staff meetings and random calls but it's so not even nearly in the same realm as working with them in the office.  This new arrangement is fine...I'm certainly more productive working at home with very few distractions, but as I suspected, I miss human interaction.  And I miss my friends from work.  I've moved from Pennsylvania to Louisiana, back to another part of Pennsylvania, then to Arizona, and each time I worked at new places and met new people, and each time I made friends I still keep in touch with.  And now I'm in Colorado and I'm afraid I won't meet anyone in this new city.  I'm not outgoing enough to join groups of any kinds or to find mommy and me type things (yuck).  There's a really good chance that I won't make any friends in Colorado Springs.  On a lot of levels I'm fine with that.  Especially right now, when it has only been a little over a month since I left AZ.  But in a year, I know I won't be okay with that anymore.  And for the 3.5 months that my husband leaves again I really won't be okay.  At all.  I can't even think about it.

So here's to traveling by yourself, something I can look forward to...not needing to answer to anyone on a plane or in an airport.  I can drink what I want, eat what I want, read what I want, watch what I want and I don't have to worry about any interruptions...It's the very rarest of pleasures for me (I've always said my favorite thing to do is to fly...the people watching ...the fact that there's literally nothing to do but what you brought with you ...browsing airport shops...taking your pick of the various variety of airport foods...and on the plane itself you get uninterrupted hours of leisure...it's the best...and I haven't flown anywhere by myself in ...over...2? years?...maybe more...and it's really one of my favorite things to do).

I leave the day after tomorrow.  I'll be gone for 5 days...I will very much miss my children and I hate that they will be missing me, but I'm not going to feel bad about looking forward to this trip.  Maybe I'll even find my way back to writing with all the alone time and people watching at the airport.

Rain and other things.

It's raining buckets in Phoenix today.  Hopefully the roads don't get as out of control as they did last week.  I'm working on my list of things to pack and do before our trip tomorrow and I'm not feeling as overwhelmed as I feared I would.  For one thing, I got to run before work today (3.3 miles!  Slow pace though...however I started my run on my Nike app and then stood around stretching for a minute or two so I can tell myself the speed must have been miscalculated...right?).  That leaves tonight wide open for getting this list done.  And then we leave first thing tomorrow morning :)  I'm pretty darn excited.

Tomorrow night we're staying in a hotel about a mile from the park, but it's the same place we stayed in last year for our trip, and it's just for the first night.  Friday we'll check-in to one of the hotels in Downtown Disney and then enjoy the amenities there.

For me...I'm looking forward to the break from the job/jewelry/house stuff I deal with everyday.  I've got big plans to take exercise outfits for at least two workouts, possibly three, and I want to see about going for a run in the morning in the Downtown Disney area on Saturday morning.  I'll try the hotel gym on Friday morning maybe.  Who am I kidding, I'll be lucky if I get out of the room for one workout..haha.  I really like believing that I'll exercise/run at least twice though (maybe three times).  The walking will definitely count and will likely be the way I talk myself out of exercise.

I've got my handy little Asus tablet (love that thing), which is stocked with magazines and episodes of Castle (I seriously love that thing).  I've got my kindle, where I'm currently 60% done with Goldfinch by Donna Tart (lovely book but it's taking me FOREVER to get through it).  Plus we're driving our huge minivan, so I don't feel bad about overpacking.

So I'm excited...and in a little over 12 hours, we'll be on our way :)

Time to start packing!